2010 — Year in Review

At the beginning of the year 2010 gave me 525,600 minutes to use anyway I pleased. Here's what I did:

• Melted a cold front
• Got bit by a snake
• Downloaded songs (Legally, of course)
• Withdrew dollar weeds
• Sang in the shower
• Got chewed out
• Shrugged my shoulders
• Gave a damn
• Protected the innocent
• Burned a bridge
• Made turkey loaf
• Ate turkey loaf
• Let someone off the hook
• Drove over the speed limit
• Bumped my head
• Won an award (then more)
• Pushed my luck
• Trained a tree to grow in a different direction
• Spilled coffee
• Changed my password
• Tweeted
• Blogged
• Stumbled upon
• Tightened my belt
• Played the drums
• Annoyed a pitbull
• Dropped a call
• Caught a ball
• Dove in head first
• Struck out
• Talked to a stranger
• Gave in
• Refused to budge
• Sewed my knee
• Pulled a fast one
• Rolled the dice
• Maintained eye contact

National Fast Food Day: Celebrating the Unhealthy

I celebrated National Fast Food Day in gluttonous fashion by quadruple sizing every deep fried and greasy morsel I ordered. I'm pretty sure I'll need more than the the finger lickin' good digits of both hands to accurately count all the calories I ingested today. When the pimply-faced kid behind the counter said, "Have it your way," I did — and then some. Maybe I should make a run for the border and keep on running until I burn off ... hey look: there's a drive-thru. I'm lovin' it!

Just Dessert

Today is National Dessert Day and I'm going to celebrate with a big slice of cherry pie smothered in whipped cream. Throw in a few Hershey Kisses and a MoonPie and I'll be headed for a lovely sugar-induced coma. Might as well build up my resistance for Halloween night — I'm sure I'll have lots of devilish treats tempting me then ...

Not Seaworthy

@#&%!! Ferdinand and Isabella just pulled the funding for my cruise. Guess the only thing I'll discover is a pile of work on my desk in the office. Definitely not going to bow down the next time I'm in front of them. But I will have some stern words for the royal couple when I get back to Spain.

Witchy Women

Just finished making out my Halloween party guest list. Made sure to include Witch Hazel and her sisters Hunt and Craft — but only because I have some macabre word games planned and they're good spellers.

Skeleton in My Closet

Everybody has at least one skeleton in their closet — and I'm no exception. Thing is, I'm proud of mine. Probably because I made it out of old milk jugs instead of bad decisions I'm trying to keep hidden. As you can see, I did a pretty good job connecting the thigh bone to the hip bone. No shame in that.

The Not-So-Great Pumpkin

When I lived up in Michigan I could drag Linus out of the pumpkin patch by his blanket and have my choice of great pumpkins to carve the first weekend in October. The air was cool and crisp and conducive to big orange gourds with gaping holes sitting out on the porch for weeks at a time. But now I live in Florida and have only about a two hour window of opportunity before my creation begins to fester and rot into a big moldy blob due to the heat. My pumpkin will never see the darkness of Halloween night if I start carving today. Boo!

Sear and Burning in Las Vegas

You can get hot in Las Vegas and roll the dice all the way to the high rollers suite. Or you can check into the Vdara Hotel and let the "Death Ray" come in through the windows and heat up your vacation. One guest returned home with singed hair and burned skin.

What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas? Apparently not ...

Yeah, Yeah, Yeah!

I'm so glad my son doesn't find the Fab Four so fabulous anymore. I was never a fan and felt more comfortable squishing said insects rather than listening to them. Now I can go back to doing just that.

Sugar and Spice and Everything Deadly

A message to moms and dads in Battlecreek, Michigan with teenage boys:

Just read an article about a 17-year-old girl who killed a 448 lb. bear with a bow and arrow on a recent hunting trip. If she can keep those paws off of her imagine what she could do to your son. By the way — she gutted it, too.

Zip It

Fly like the wind. Soar like an eagle. Float like a butterfly jacked up on caffeine.

These are just some of the adrenaline surging effects you'll experience when you strap on the zipline harness and jump at the chance to prove your nerves are made of high-flying steel. Think you've got what it takes to dance with the treetops? Prove it during your Bluegreen vacation at Mountain Run at Boyne.

Of course it's all just talk until you try it ...

In an Ivy League of Their own

William and Mary is the second oldest college in the nation. Priding itself on making education available to everyone, in and out of the Commonwealth of Virginia, it is one of only eight “Public Ivy” institutions of higher learning.

No Can Do

If I was living in the temperate grasslands of the prairie with my little prairie family, I'm sure I'd be a fan of canning fruits and vegetables. But I'm far removed from that biome down here in the sweltering swamps of south Florida. So instead of hitching up the team for a ride across the savanna, I'm firing up my mechanized horses for a trip over the asphalt. Going to pick up something I can stick in the microwave — think I'll go for a tasty box of muffin tops with fruit filling and no vegetation!

Howl at the Moon

Full moon tonight. Takes me back to a classic poem from the 1941 horror flick The Wolfman starring Lon Chaney, Jr:

Even a man who is pure at heart
And says his prayers by night
Can become a wolf when the wolfbane blooms
And the moon is full and bright

If you believe in curses and folklore, grab a handful of silver bullets then call animal control ...

Orlando by Way of Helicopter

When it comes to things to do in Orlando, I've got two words for you — and they're not Disney World. Helicopter Rides! International Helio-Tours takes you up and around all the Orlando theme parks for unique aerial views. Our ride was much more magical than anything below us.

Wrong Order

Puh-lease! I'm all for restaurant employee's washing their hands — but I don't need any help from a restroom attendant to wash mine. Put down the soap and step back before things get ugly ...

Tacky Treats

Hardtack was a simple biscuit consumed by just about every soldier in the Civil War. Made from flour, salt, vegetable fat and water, it fit easily in haversacks and could be taken on long marches because it wouldn’t spoil. Unfortunately, the biscuits got rock hard — and had to be soaked or fried in grease to eat. Grease? Carbs? Seems like good fortune to me.

They're Not Playing My Tune

I've heard that tune before and it's definitely not music to my ears.

A Sight that Makes Eyes Sore

A note to European men on the beach: gain a little self-respect and a find a way to let your shame gene shine through a bit more. That suit you're wearing isn't flattering to your Europeaness. If I'm going to get seasick, I want to be on a boat.

Hey Dad,

You're in the surgeon's very capable hands. More importantly, you have the strength of someone half your age, an abundance of willpower and a dogged determination to not let an inconvenient little thing like an operation slow you down from doing a full day's work and then some. But for now, your job is to rest and recover.

Sending you positive thoughts and lots of love.

Save the Date

To say today is a day like any other would be a huge understatement. It's because of something that happened on July 15 that I was able to change my outlook and push the move forward button. I have no intention of rewinding. Happy days are here again — for sure and for certain!

Good Thinking

I was feeling a little light-headed so I quit holding my breath. I also stopped carrying a grudge 'cause my back was hurting. But I'm not gonna take back that thing I said!

The Heat Was On

Heat exhaustion. Sunstroke. Sunny side up. Whatever you call it, I had it. (My reward for 10 hours in the sun.) But I didn't let my lethargic stooper prevent me from getting in the car and heading to McDonald's for some large fries covered with five packets of salt. I chased that deep-fried goodness with a bag of popcorn, coconut and jalapeno flavored Jelly Belly beans. I'm sure that's what the doctor would have recommended. Made me feel better.

Customer Disservice

The retail industry in South Florida prides itself on rude and inattentive behavior. But I'm not complaining — because I always get more than I bargained for. And that's the secret of good shopping!

Color My Decision

Tonight's sky is alive with color. I wish I was on a plane flying through the pink cotton candy clouds sewn together with tangerine streaks. I could look down to the west and watch the amber sun sink below the horizon; then gaze at the amethyst hues emanating from the enveloping nighttime abyss. But since I'm not on a plane, I'm going to watch Andy Griffith reruns. Those are in black and white.

Acting Squirrely

I didn't play the lotto tonight because I just came up with a million dollar idea: squirrel benches. I'm going to use my master carpentry skills to build these ravenous rodents a place to sit while they gnaw on corn cobs skewered to the front of the bench. Nail to your favorite tree (maple, birch, elm and oak all work well) and you're ready for dinner guests. As they say, if you build it, they will come. I must be nuts!

Give in to Temptation

Self restraint seems like a good idea on paper. But not when it comes to decadent desserts with layers of sweetness that are too sinful to pass up. A good presentation ain't doing me any favors either ...

Dog Days of Summer

Joey "Jaws" Chestnut did it again. He sunk his teeth into 54 hot dogs in just 10 minutes to win his 4th Nathan's Famous Hot Dog Eating Contest at Coney Island. Though it was a light meal compared to his record setting 68 franks last year, he still consumed large quantities of calories — 16,038 to be exact. But who's counting? Better loosen that Mustard Belt he just won.

Former champion Takeru Kobayashi was not in the competition but he still did some hot dogging. The NYPD served his up with handcuffs and a trip to jail to get grilled. Bet that's gonna leave a bad taste in his mouth!

Safely Explosive

Every digit and appendage accounted for — until next 4th of July ...

All Sizzle, No Fizzle

It's kind of difficult to let cacophony ring in the driving rain. Looks like my fireworks show is moving indoors. Time to light the fuse — boom, bang, baby! I'm expecting the grand finale to be spectacular. And I hold that truth to be self evident!

Well, I Declare

According to scientists using hyper-spectral imaging techniques, Thomas Jefferson rubbed out the word subjects and changed it to citizens while he was writing the Declaration of Independence. Seems like a calculated edit to slap King George III in the face. I can certainly appreciate having the unalienable right to pursue that kind of happiness.

Sammy Hagar a Sure Bet in Vegas

Get on your bad motor scooter and ride. Sammy Hagar is playing the MGM Grand Garden Arena in Las Vegas on July 31 and there's only one way to rock — LOUD! Like the Red Rocker, I can't drive 55. But I can stay at Bluegreen Club 36 and enjoy some Cabo Wabo Tequila.

Rotten Apple

First the iPhone 4 prototype is stolen and now this. What is it with Apple and bars?

Have a Blast this Weekend

Don't know how many chances I'll get to bang out a sentence using onomatopoeia — guess the 4th of July weekend is as good as any to let my words go boom!

Maggots on a Plane

"Ladies and gentlemen this is the captain speaking. Due to rising costs we will now have to charge you for the maggots spewing from the overhead compartment. Thank you for flying the unfriendly and decaying skies."

Lady Dude Dude

I knew it! This is the real Lady Gaga. She never fooled me for a minute. To all my friends who said she wasn't ... time to man up!

Hand Me My Lobster Bib

Dear Mr. Spiny Crustacean:

It's lobster season in the Florida Keys. Unfortunately, the Governor didn't call. No stay of execution for you. Time to fire up the grill and melt some butter.

Yours in good eats,

ScribbleSticks

Have Thread Will Stitch

Second only to Paul Bunyan when it comes to wielding an axe. First at building and stoking a campfire. I'm also at the top of my class when it comes to stitching up my own knee.

More Bang Back for Little Bucks

Flashing lights. Buzzers and bells. Stand like a statue or become part of the machine. The Pinball Hall of Fame in Las Vegas has 10,000 square feet of pinball wizardry and I'm the Bally Table King. Never tilt at all. Play the silver ball for just 25¢ or 50¢. See if you can beat my best. If you're looking for me, I'll be feeling all the bumpers ... and staying at Bluegreen Club 36.

Strikes and Spares Forever

I've always loved bowling. And I can usually find my way into the pocket no matter what the lane conditions are. But I recently found an alley where my ball reaction is so good I'm never going to throw strikes anywhere else. I foresee a lot of perfect games!

United States Kicked Out

The US soccer team is a Ghana. Their World Cup definitely doesn't runneth over. On a personal note, I had a winning Saturday — which was exactly my goal!

Solving the Puzzle

Click! The final piece of the puzzle was in the corner. Should have seen that one earlier. I always overlook the obvious ...

Nuclear Attack

Someone just told me that I was radiant and glowing. Could have been because I got a nice tan this past weekend. Or maybe it was that radioactive isotope injected into my body. Either way, a compliment is a compliment! And it is normal to have six fingers on the same hand, right?!

And the Stupid Shall Inherit the ...

Ah, I just love rewarding stupidity. The following is this year's Stella Awards for frivolous lawsuits:

SEVENTH PLACE
Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas. Awarded $80,000 by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running inside a furniture store. The store owners were understandably surprised by the verdict, considering the running toddler was her own son.

SIXTH PLACE
Carl Truman, 19, of Los Angeles, California. Won $74,000 plus medical expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord. Truman apparently didn't notice there was someone at the wheel of the car when he was trying to steal his neighbor's hubcaps.

FIFTH PLACE
Terrence Dickson of Bristol, Pennsylvania. Tried to leave a house he had just burglarized by way of the garage when the automatic garage door opener malfunctioned and he could not get the garage door to open. What's worse, he couldn't re-enter the house because the door connecting the garage to the house locked when Dickson pulled it shut. Forced to sit for eight, count 'em, EIGHT days and survive on a case of Pepsi and a large bag of dry dog food. He sued the homeowner's insurance company claiming undue mental Anguish. Amazingly, the jury said the insurance company must pay Dickson $500,000 for his anguish. We should all have this kind of anguish.

FOURTH PLACE
Jerry Williams of Little Rock, Arkansas. Awarded $14,500 plus medical expenses after being bitten on the butt by his next door neighbor's beagle - even though the beagle was on a chain in its owner's fenced yard. Williams did not get as much as he asked for because the jury believed the beagle might have been provoked at the time of the butt bite because Williams had climbed over the fence into the yard and repeatedly shot the dog with a pellet gun.

THIRD PLACE
Amber Carson of Lancaster, Pennsylvania. A jury ordered a Philadelphia restaurant to pay her $113,500 after she slipped on a spilled soft drink and broke her tailbone. The reason the soft drink was on the floor: Ms. Carson had thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument.

SECOND PLACE
Kara Walton of Claymont, Delaware. Sued the owner of a night club in a nearby city because she fell from the bathroom window to the floor, knocking out her two front teeth. Even though Ms. Walton was trying to sneak through the ladies room window to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge, the jury said the night club had to pay her $12,000 ... plus dental expenses.

FIRST PLACE
This year's runaway First Place Stella Award winner was: Mrs. Merv Grazinski of Oklahoma City, Oklahoma. Purchased new 32-foot Winnebago motor home then set the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly left the driver's seat to go to the back of the Winnebago to make herself a sandwich. Not surprisingly, the motor home left the freeway, crashed and overturned. Also not surprisingly, Mrs. Grazinski sued Winnebago for not putting in the owner's manual that she couldn't actually leave the driver's seat while the cruise control was set. The Oklahoma jury awarded her $1,750,000 PLUS a new motor home. Winnebago actually changed their manuals as a result of this suit, just in case Mrs. Grazinski has any relatives who might also buy a motor home.

I couldn't be happier that we live in such a litigious society. I'm going to annoy a slobbering pit bull later this evening then spill hot coffee on my lap in my neighbor's RV. Know any good lawyers?

Lessons Learned

Hey Dad,

Thanks for always lending a helping hand. Thanks for showing me how to survive in the wilderness. Thanks for showing me how to fix things around the house. Thanks for letting me get away without doing my chores. Thanks for helping me with my paper route instead of sleeping in on the weekends. Thanks for showing me when to be tough and when to let things go. Thanks for being there for me without question at any hour in any state. I learned a lot growing up and hanging out with you. And you know how I know? I saw it in my son's eyes this weekend. He appreciated the things I was showing him — the things I learned from you!

Happy Father's Day!

Just Peachy

I've never uttered the phrase "You're a Peach" but I know someone who has. I've had a shot or two — or five — of Peach Schnapps. I've overindulged on peaches -n- cream. I've shaved peach fuzz off my chin. I've even thrown a peach pit out of a car window. But brushed peach pants? You bet! I picked a pair of these smoothies off the sales rack this afternoon because I could squeeze another $10 off the 35% markdown ...

In Need of a Cool Bluegreen Vacation

Thanks to the deft hands of an FPL worker, I had my first taste of hurricane season last night. That severed line afforded me the opportunity to sit in total darkness and sweltering heat for 5 hours. It wasn't a total loss though — I was able to ignite the pyromaniac in me by torching the overpriced candles I bought from a school fundraiser. As I stared into the flames I thought about getting away and having a better experience — the kind only a vacation away from Florida can deliver.

One Flew Over the Cuckoo's House

Wow, can you imagine having her for a mother-in-law? I'd be deplaning immediately! Bet she has a lot of baggage — and some lost luggage, too.

Sa-Wing Batter

I don’t know how many more times I can go to bat without swinging for the fences. But I do know this: when I make contact with that little round orb I’m gonna knock the cover off of it — exposing the tightly woven wool around its cushioned center. BTW: I like ‘em low and inside!

The Smell of Vacation is in the Air

One of my favorite parts of going on a Bluegreen vacation is traveling to places where the people really get into character. The sites, the sounds, the smells ... actually, I could do without the smells. You people don't need to get THAT into character. (This is the 21st Century — you can bathe more than twice a year!) Last time I checked the supermarket aisles and shelves in these towns of yesteryear were full of soap and deodorant. Please, lather up and douse yourself with something that combats sweat and masks that malodorous authenticity. I don't want your funk to be a lingering part of my vacation memories!

Two Thumbs Down

The previews at the movie we just tried to watch were a thunderous cacophony of loudness. Our feature film was just the opposite. The volume started at a whisper and got lower until you could only enjoy the movie if you read lips. Our silent movie lasted 30 minutes before we tuned out and gave up. And who could blame us? We missed what was probably one of the most important dialogue sequences in the movie. We didn’t even have time to finish the large quantities of food we purchased from the concession stand. A Movie Catastrophe (AMC) for sure.

Sizzling Surfside

Hot nights, Art Deco, Latin beats, tropical palms, shopping, ocean breezes and plenty of people watching — gotta be Miami!

Awesome Arizona

Legendary beauty. Luxurious indulgences. Only in the American Southwest. Ciboal Vista Resort and Spa is located just outside Phoenix in Peoria, Arizona.

Totally Tubular in the Smokies

Someone just asked me if I wanted to go on a wet -n- wild River Romp with them in the Smoky Mountains. I'd be a fool not to take part in a tubetastic adventure like that! I'm going to lace up my swim suit nice and tight so it doesn't fall off — 'cause this is a "G" rated blog ...

Ain't No Good Life

C'mon, lawn seats? I was the 9th caller. I beat out every other person trying to get their hands on Lynyrd Skynyrd tickets. I should at least be sitting close enough to the stage to see Johnny Van Zant's pores. On second thought, I don't want to see that. But I do want to sit in the pavilion — gimme three steps and I can probably sneak in from the grassy knoll. Just don't ask me no questions if I get caught. I deserve to be there anyway!

Mr. Blue

The mighty Garth Brooks has been knocked off his country music haystack. George Strait is the new cowboy hat/boot wearing kingpin. Not sure I know one single song either of them sings. If It Don't Matter to the Sun, it don't matter to me. I'll still take a swig of that 80 Proof Bottle of Tear Stopper — just in case I start having twangs of sadness!

Breaking Bread

Snuggle: to draw close and hold comfortably.

Toufayan Bakeries Snuggles: to crumble quickly.

Your packaging describes these little cylinders of carbs as the ultimate fun roll. You got that right! The sausage I was eating rolled out of its breaded Bastille and fell directly onto my lap. You ought to rename them Divorce — 'cause everything just falls apart!

Did You Know?

• Wisconsin does not allow butter substitutes in state prisons.
• You cannot fire a cannon during your wedding in Pennsylvania.
• Florida can arrest single women for parachuting on Sundays.
• In Virginia, citizens must honk their horn while passing other cars.
• Hunting camels within the state borders of Arizona is a crime.
• Wearing an alligator costume is illegal in Louisiana.
• Putting a skunk on the desk of your boss is not permitted in Michigan.
• Talking behind a person's back is illegal in Nevada.
• It is illegal to use lassos to catch a fish in Tennessee.

Guilty Pleasures

Have to admit, I like:

• The sound of dishes breaking in a restaurant
• Tongue-tied keynote speakers
• Jugglers who drop the ball
• Rain on parades
• Double bogeys at Augusta
• Melting ice sculptures
• A two out, two-strike homer in the 9th inning of a no hitter
• Nervous substitute teachers
• Eroding sandcastles

But don't think badly of me ...

Water, Water Everywhere

I was coming up dry for blog post ideas and then I saw this: Wisconsin is home to 7,446 streams and rivers. Stretching end to end they measure 26,767 miles. That’s enough to circle the globe at the Equator.

Scare Up a Good Time

Grab a candle and guard the flame. The Original Ghosts of Williamsburg Candlelight Tours will regale you with spooky stories as you walk along dark colonial streets. For more great spirits, be sure to check out some of the local taverns. If you're lucky, you just might run into something that goes bump in the night ...

Bet Against the House

In 1980 the 26-story MGM Grand went up in smoke. It was the biggest loss in Vegas history.

Imperfect Ending

Ummm, great call Jim Joyce. Way to ruin Armando Galarraga's perfect game. That's a career changer for you, buddy. You're already very popular on Twitter — and I mean that in the most unflattering way possible. ESPN is predicting that your little umping blunder will go down as one of the ten worst calls in history. NICE!

I hope you're hungry for some negative flack 'cause you're gonna get your fill. Better order a big piece of humble pie to go with that mar you just left on the Tigers and the city of Detroit.

Shockingly Good

I've jumped out of perfectly safe airplanes, tossed myself over the edge of hot air balloon baskets on a bungee cord and rappelled off the side of a water tower. But my biggest thrill was touching a live wire back in April — I can still feel that burst of electricity coursing through me. Hurricane season's fast approaching. Maybe I should find myself a ground and head down to the Keys for a wet and wild vacation. Bet I could still have an electrifying getaway no matter what the winds blow my way!

Fun in the Sun

Tan lines, grill marks, BBQ sauce stains, poolside chats, freckles and classic rock blasting in the background. You gotta love three day weekends.

Proud to be Carnivorous

Swat. Smack. Stomp. I'm not winning points with PETA. But who cares, my fellow picnickers aren't bugged by my actions. Think I'll treat them to a live lobster boil and serve up some burgers that are still mooing.

Just for the Health of It

This new healthier lifestyle certainly agrees with me. I'm getting along with it better than anything I've tried before. Although I think the bags of Doritos and packages of chocolate chips cookies are a little confused as to why I broke up with them. They're right for someone though. If it's you, all the best for many years of caloric happiness. As for me, I'm going to get in a little cardio and have something lighter.

Centennial Post

Wow, the century mark. My fingers did a lot of dancing across the keyboard to reach this semi-unimpressive milestone. Any minute now I'm sure balloons will fall from the ceiling and bursts of confetti will shower down on top of me and my computer. At least that's what I'm posting ...

Cross that Bridge When You Come to It

Residents of Michigan’s Upper Peninsula are known as “Yoopers.” Their Lower Peninsula neighbors are commonly referred to as “Trolls,” because they live under the Mackinac Bridge. Also known as Big Mac, the Mackinac Bridge is an astonishing 8,614 feet long including the anchorages. That makes it the longest suspension bridge in the Western Hemisphere. In a supporting role, the main cables are made from 42,000 miles of wire.

Just across the bridge is Mackinac Island, where residents still travel by horse, carriage or foot. I highly recommend a trip to the Great Lakes State — and not because I'm from Michigan and extremely biased.

Acting My Age

So I turned *bleep bleep* years young yesterday and I can honestly say it was by far one of my best birthday celebrations. It had everything: laughs, food, frivolity, free parking, sand, sunsets, shivers, decadent indulgences, hotel lobbies, water (salt, tap and sparkling), something old, something new, something borrowed and something blue. There was also a washed up tuna carcass and band with a lead singer whose voice was more offensive than the stench coming from that maggot-infested fish. I even misplaced my car and had a few close encounters with oncoming traffic. Believe it or not, there were no drinks involved. Now that's happy.

Make a Wish

Another birthday — and I'm fairly confident this isn't the year I'll be old enough to know better. Probably because I'm forever optimistically youthful. Or is it perpetual immaturity? Whatever ... Just bring me my cake and presents.

Free Summer Fun

June is definitely a great month to be outdoors. Especially at the Sun Fun Festival in Myrtle Beach. This two day extravaganza features live music, professional sporting events and plenty of food vendors to satisfy any appetite. You can also find eager young ladies slathered in sun tan lotion grandstanding along the Grand Strand in the Miss Sun Fun and Miss Bikini Wahine pageants. Ok, Ok, I know what you're thinking — even though this is one of the Southeast Tourism Society’s Top 20 Events, I'm only going because I like beautiful bronzed babes. And you're right — that and the fact that it's free!

All Fowled Up

Stupidity. Humor. Violence. Innuendos. One-Liners. References you couldn't possibly understand unless you're an adult. They just don't make cartoons like this anymore:

Tune in and Turn on The Middle

Ah, "The Middle." I turned it on this week and became instantly hooked. Normally, I'm not a big fan of the latest TV programs, but this one grabbed my attention. Maybe I can identify with them because they're a Midwestern family. Maybe it's because the actors really get into their roles. Whatever the reason, I'm going to make sure my clicker has enough battery power to find the right channel when it comes on again!

Gone to Pot in the Smokies

The Smoky Mountains are famous for marauding bears and clay pots. Unfortunately, the bears are protected and not available to take home as souvenirs. That leaves the handmade pottery of Robert Alwine. Alwine Pottery has been on the map since 1983 and every piece is still formed, decorated, glazed and fired right in his studio. Alwine claims he fell in love with clay the first time he touched it some 36 years ago — I can certainly appreciate falling in love with something the first time I touch it, too.

Frittered Away My Winters

There were a lot of cold winter months in Michigan and I never once passed the time by standing on my hands or juggling vases. Although I did throw a lot of snowballs at innocent passersby and regularly skated on thin ice.

I should have practiced the ancient art form of acrobatics. That way, I could be performing in Branson with the Acrobats of China featuring the New Shanghai Circus. Oh well, I'll always have those chilly memories.

Remembering Dio

Ronnie James Dio was small in stature but his thunderous voice rocked arenas like no other singer. He passed away on May 16 after a battle with stomach cancer. I'm sure he'll continue to entertain Heaven & Hell.

Love at First "Site"

I've done it in a tent, a lean-to and out in the open. Now I'm going to spend the night under the stars in an RV. Shenandoah Crossing's RV neighborhood is the perfect place to fall in love with a home on wheels.

Waxing Nostalgic

I always loved coloring as a kid — and I did my best to stay outside the lines. There's was just something special about that big box of Crayola Crayons and those crazy names.

Here were some of my favorite colors:

• Atomic Tangerine
• Blizzard Blue
• Screamin' Green
• Wild Watermelon
• Nancy White (I loaned her my Bittersweet so she could color a squirrel.)

Now that I'm all grown up I still have a fondness for colors — especially Colorful Places to Play.

Stoked About My Longboard Crashing Those Salty Waves

Like, dude — when it comes to totally rad beach vacations with sick surf spots, Bluegreen is the Big Kahuna! Brah, I'm all amped up for a most excellent summer and can't wait to catch those mondo waves. If you're looking for a place to chill, Bluegreen Resorts are definitely mint.

Hang loose ...

Birthday Wishes

Hi Mom,

Happy Birthday!

I hope you have safe travels and the best birthday weekend ever.

Creed's Latest Tour Stops in Nation's Oldest City

Florida rockers Creed were "Torn" for a few years but "Weathered" the breakup and are back on tour. They're not looking for sympathy, so don't give them "Pity For A Dime" — their tickets are bit more expensive. They'll be playing the St. Augustine Amphitheatre on May 20 so be sure to catch the show. Now that you know a little of the band's history, make some vacation history of your own at Bluegreen's Grande Villas at World Golf Village.

The nation's oldest city is home to some world-class championship golf courses including two designed by legends Jack Nicklaus and Arnold Palmer. I've been in the sand traps there and I can tell you it felt just like being in "My Own Prison."

Way to Go Kid, the Girls Love You!

First, let me just say that I am not gaga over Lady Gaga! I REPEAT, I AM NOT GAGA OVER LADY GAGA! But this kid is cool:



Pop props from a rocker!

Loch Ness Monster Spotted Lurking in Williamsburg

Not only do I believe in the Loch Ness Monster, I hopped on and rode her.

Here's proof:



This particular Nessie lives at Busch Gardens in Williamsburg, Virginia — and she's always available for photo opportunities.

Scorpions on Tour for One Last Sting

Forget brats, St. Pauli Girl and Porsche. My favorite German import is the Scorpions — and they're heading to Miami's Bayfront Park to "Rock You Like A Hurricane" on July 16. The "Wind Of Change" is blowing them into retirement so be sure to catch the "Bad Boys Running Wild" before they calm down.

If you like to get your "Kicks After Six" and have sizzling "Big City Nights," South Beach can definitely put you "In Trance." When it comes to relaxing "Holiday" pursuits, Bluegreen's Solara Surfside provides the perfect retreat.

Try This at Home

I recommend an aerosol can and lighter for cobwebs in those hard-to-reach places. I also recommend reading the blog posts from vayK, The Write Moves and Indigo Highways.

Looking for Food with Flair

The people at the Walmart deli had one speed — stopped! Which begs the question: What was I doing buying food at Walmart? Exactly ...

I should have gone to Barton G instead.

My Iron Stomach Prevailed

Put away the defibrillator and stash the gurney. My ticker is keeping time like a Swiss watch! (Thanks for the false advertising Heart Stoppers!) Even a rare burger topped with banana peppers, fried eggs, peanut butter, salsa, black olives, tomato, lettuce, pickles, onions/grilled onions, mushrooms, jalapenos, relish, hot sauce, cheddar cheese, red peppers, jelly, garlic, sauerkraut and coleslaw wasn't enough to prevent me from posting this blog.

Nothing Like a Healthy Serving of Hospital Food

My buds and I are going to Heart Stoppers to have a real guys lunch today. They promote artery-clogging, heart attack-inducing dishes. If I get that pain in my chest like they promised, and don't post another blog this afternoon, please call a real nurse — and donate my Bluegreen vacation to a worthwhile recipient!

Ooops! I Cracked My Rose-Colored Glasses.

I wronged a right while derailing my good intentions. I also applauded insincerity and cherished a misconception — but then thought better of it while sweeping something under the rug. Man, do I need a vacation. Luckily, Bluegreen has plenty of vacation experiences to help me unwind, relax and come home with a renewed sense of urgency to pick up where I left off.

Celebre Su Ultima Victoria

¡Yo quiero Jenny Craig!

I also have a thing for endless bowls of guacamole, ice-cold cervezas and sizzling, oozing Hot Pockets with a dallop of Cinco de Mayo.

I Dig Dive Restaurants

If you're like me, then you appreciate the seedy atmosphere of dive restaurants. And I'm not just talking about crumbs on the floor. I mean the REAL dives! The ones that require a tetanus shot before entering. I want to feel the grease from the kitchen lingering in the air — then congealing on my skin. I want the pages of the menus to be stuck together. And the waitresses had better be way past their prime but dress like they're still hotties. No low-carb selections either. In Florida, you can find some pretty good seafood dives to dive into.

I'm gonna suck on a lemon before I order — just in case scurvy is the Special of the Day!

Up to Code

I don't know html code that well. But I do know how to cut and paste code with the best of them: JKKG5S9R6PPH. Take that programmers!

Another Birthday — Bring on the Gifts!

Ah, May. The month yours truly was born. I'm posting this valuable information only because I want gifts. Please consider any of the following: bowling balls, weed killer, drums, wooden nickels, 400mm f/2.8 camera lenses, fabric softener, heavy metal CDs, broken G strings, truffles, a framed poster of Farrah Fawcett wearing that burnt orange swimsuit, empty quarter rolls, videos of ice skaters falling during their routines, insults and ...

If anyone has ... please deliver it personally on the 25th!

Having a Blast with Green Day and Bluegreen

California punks Green Day invite you to have the "Time of Your Life" at their concert on August 30 at the Cricket Wireless Pavilion in Phoenix, Arizona. You don't have to be a Nimrod to know this show will rock — so make plans to see them live and get away on a Bluegreen vacation. Whether you're a "Basket Case" or just enjoy the posh, pampering of a private spa room, Cibola Vista Resort and Spa can help you unwind and relax. Indulge your senses with a soothing massages — then give in to an invigorating body treatment. "Welcome to Paradise."

Volunteer for a Bluegreen Vacation in Tennessee

When I'm in Tennessee I like to shoot the rapids in the Smokies. I also like shooting birdies. And since the Smoky Mountains area is actually home to the most miniature golf courses in the world, I'll have plenty of opportunity to bank my multi-colored balls off the blades of windmills or send them careening toward Pigeon Forge — which would be alright with me. That way, I can gawk at Dolly Parton's ... 100-acre Dollywood theme park. For more great views and mountains to climb, I'm gonna consult Bluegreen's Smoky Mountains Travel Guide.

NFL Draft: Out of Bounds Comments

I can't wait to see Tim Tebow get thrown from that NFL horse out in Denver! I'm also looking forward to seeing what kind of trouble the other 2010 draft millionaires can get into.

Havin’ a Ball in Boyne

Splat! The snowball my son threw landed squarely, firmly, right between my eyes. It was the kind of throw that makes a father feel proud. Actually, the first thing I felt was pain. But when the stars circling my head began to shoot away I could see straight — and clear thoughts returned. Then I felt proud. What better way to start my Bluegreen vacation at Mountain Run at Boyne. When it comes to finding plenty of year-round activities and things to do in Michigan, there is only one place to look: Inside Bluegreen's Boyne Travel Guide.

Vegas, Baby!

So I was dancing with Lady Luck, and doubling my money, if you know what I mean, when I realized there's probably more to Las Vegas than seeking out the loosest slots. I logged on to colorfulplaces.com to check out Bluegreen's Las Vegas Travel Guide for some other sure bets. Here's what I found: I can ride a roller coaster on the top of a building, come face-to-face with lions in casino lobbies, feast like "The King" and see him too, take part in the Freemont Street Experience or love the Cirque Du Soleil Beatles tribute yeah, yeah, yeah ...

Outside the glitz and glamour I can take a day trip to a place so immensely deep it could only be called the Grand Canyon. Grabbing my clubs and leaving some divots during a round of Las Vegas desert golf sounds like fun. Maybe I’ll make tracks in the desert sand and have a ruggedly pink adventure in an open air Jeep.

Las Vegas is the Entertainment Capital of the World and there is no doubt I’ll always find something to do on vacation. To be honest, I can't get Lady Luck or those 24–hour wedding chapels off my mind. And Bluegreen Club 36 definitely has me longing for a return visit. Go figure!

Oh, well. What happens in Vegas stays right here on my blog post.

Sin. Win. Again. And again. Vegas Awaits.

What a Rush

I’m a pretty good drummer. But I’ve got a long way to go before I can start breaking sticks with the likes of Neil Peart from Rush. That’s why I’m writing this blog — and not playing the drums in front of 25,000 cheering fans for the greatest progressive rock band of all time. At least I can still see them in concert, and so can every drummer wannabe, on October 2 at the Cruzan Amphitheatre in West Palm Beach, Florida.

When the last cymbal crashes, I’ll fire up the “Red Barchetta” and “Fly By Night” down to Solar Surfside for a Bluegreen vacation where I can always shine in the “Limelight.”

Join Blue Oyster Cult in Atlantic City

“(Don’t Fear) The Reaper” and don't miss Blue Oyster Cult in concert on your next vacation getaway to New Jersey. They’re playing the Atlantic City Hilton on July 2 and will be “Burnin’ For You” to become Agents of Fortune in the glamorous casino district. “I Love the Night” and the glowing neon lights reflecting off the Atlantic Ocean as I stroll down the world–famous Boardwalk. Bluegreen at Atlantic Palace is my home–away–home and at 31 stories tall, I just might come face–to–face with “Godzilla” — oh wait, that song is about a different city …

Jackson Browne to Rock the Hard Rock

Jackson Browne is going to fire up The Joint at Hard Rock Hotel on July 20 in Las Vegas. If you’ve had the opportunity to see Jackson in concert, you know his performances are never running on empty. But when the last guitar’s been packed away, you have to get the heck out out the arena. There’s no better place to stay than Bluegreen Club 36. Lawyers in love and anyone else in search of a great gaming vacation are in for a winning experience.

Jane Says It’s Duff McKagan

Nearly a month after Eric Avery walked out on Jane's Addiction, former Guns N' Roses and Velvet Revolver bassist Duff McKagan has joined the band. The boys have been caught stealing (at least that's what their lyrics say). I personally think they do should do something a bit more rewarding — like taking a Bluegreen vacation.

Great Tunes. Great Vacations. No Fooling.

If I'm going to be worth my weight in rock –n– roll drumsticks, I better be able to suggest tunes for any occasion — today's occasion is foolishness.

Listen up:

“Fool For The City”
– Foghat

“Nobody’s Fool”
– Cinderella

“Won’t Get Fooled Again”
– The Who

“Foolin”
– Def Leppard

“Fool For Your Loving”
– Whitesnake

“All The Fools Sailed Away”
– Dio

“Fool On The Hill”
– The Beatles

“Be Careful With A Fool”
– Johnny Winter

“Ship Of Fools”
– Grateful Dead

“Foolish Love”
– Moody Blues

“Fools”
– Van Halen

“Fooling Yourself” (The Angry Young Man)
– Styx

“Fool To Cry”
– The Rolling Stones

“Foolin’ Yourself”
– Aldo Nova

“Fools Rush In”
– Elvis

Now that I’ve proven I’m no fool when it comes to great rock –n– roll, it’s time for a Bluegreen vacation. Maybe I’ll wade through a stream in the Smokies and fish for a delicious bass. Rolling the dice during a great gaming experience sounds fun, too. My sense of adventure tells me I should plan a trip to Boyne for some year-round fun on the slopes and mountain bike trails. A step back in time to Colonial Williamsburg could satisfy the history buff in me. Oh, the places I could go. No fooling.

Bye Bye March

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March went out like a mouthful of lamb and I need a vacation.

Sugar Coated Holiday

I'm listening to "Candy" by Stegosaurus and eating marshmallow bunnies while getting a Chocolate Sugar Scrub. How very rock star of me ...

The sweetness is sure to continue when my sugar-induced vacation takes me to the SWEETEST PLACE ON EARTH — Hershey, Pennsylvania. Here, I can let my professional copywriting pencil go dull and take a job in a chocolate factory. Or, increase my sugar rush on the Sooperdooperlooper roller coaster and go back for seconds. When it’s time to relax and retreat, The Suites at Hershey is a delicious destination filled with all the amenities I crave on a chocolate holiday.

For more tasty ideas, I'll unwrap Bluegreen's Hershey Travel Guide.

“Brown Eyed Girl” First Heard in 1967

Van Morrison records “Brown Eyed Girl” in 1967. With Bluegreen, I have access to more than 45 world-class resorts and an almost limitless variety of Colorful Places to Play. That means I can listen to colorful songs in the green grass, down in the hollow or while just standing in the sunlight laughing. Sounds like the perfect vacation to me.

Kentucky Roarless in Elite Eight Loss

The University of Kentucky hit a big giant pothole on their road to the Final Four. They played more like mildcats than wildcats. Oh well, “Even the Losers” deserve a great Bluegreen vacation.

Breaking Benjamin Rockin' in Virginia

Have a rock and roll Phobia? Those fears will be eliminated the minute Breaking Benjamin takes the stage. Their music will saturate your ears with powerful lyrics, awesome riffs and pounding beats. Catch them live on April 14 in Hampton, Virginia at the Hampton Coliseum.

After the concert, turn back the pages to America's beginnings. When it comes to relaxing places to retreat in Colonial Williamsburg, give me Patrick Henry Square or give me Parkside Williamsburg Resort. Both give me 21st Century amenities in 18th Century surroundings. Yesterday is waiting for you today at a Bluegreen resort in this historical destination.

April Showers Bring Puddle of Mudd to Charleston

Puddle of Mudd will playing the Ladson Fairground in Charleston, South Carolina on April 25. Should you find yourself blurry after the show, The Lodge Alley Inn is the perfect place to relax and retreat. Charleston is filled with plenty of history, southern charm and delectable places to dine — so put yourself on cloud 9 with a Bluegreen vacation. For a "frightening"
experience, join hands with one you love and take a Lowcountry Ghost Walk.

Free Bird Flying into West Palm Beach

Southern rockers Lynyrd Skynyrd are bringing some good ol' swamp music to the Cruzan Amphitheatre in West Palm Beach, Florida on June 6. I'm a simple man, but I need trendy vacations. So gimme three steps and a car ride down to Miami and I'll be at Bluegreen's Solara Surfside resort soaking up everything South Beach has to offer.

Aaron Lewis not Staind in Orlando

Aaron Lewis of Staind is going solo in Orlando on March 24 at Hard Rock Live. If it's been a while since you've seen live rock and roll, grab your "Mudshovel" and get ready to dig the music. The Fountains and Orlando's Sunshine Resort are not so far away. What better reason to plan a Bluegreen vacation getaway ...

Joan Jett in Petoskey, Michigan

I love rock and roll, Michigan and daring outdoor adventures. So I'm especially excited to see Joan Jett play the Odawa Casino Resort in Petoskey, Michigan on July 10. After the show, I'm heading to Mountain Run at Boyne for another awesome Bluegreen vacation. One of my favorite activities is hopping on the ski lift with my mountain bike and plummeting down the slopes. If you love adrenaline surges, this better be at the top of your "must try" list.

Rock City Angels Coming to O-Town

Bluegreen owners enjoying a vacation at The Fountains or Orlando's Sunshine Resort in April should definitely check out Rock City Angels — they'll be performing at Will's Pub in Orlando on April 23. I've had the pleasure of playing drums with the guitar player so I can guarantee the show will rock.

Kentucky to Celebrate Sweet Sixteen Party

Kentucky made things look easy in the Big Easy. They scored 190 March Madness points in two games to advance to the Sweet Sixteen. They probably won't even have to sharpen their claws to make it into the Final Four. I hope all my Bluegreen friends staying at Bluegreen Club La Pension remembered to crank up "We Are The Champions" for everyone in New Orleans. For those interested in great gaming experiences off the basketball court, be sure to visit Harrah's Casino — it's right across the street.

Airplane Reborn as Starship After “Embryonic Journey”

Jefferson Airplane changes their name to Jefferson Starship in 1974.

If you haven't been on vacation in a while, you can change that in a hurry. Take off and find your way back to Bluegreen. I suggest spending a few nights under the stars in the Shenandoah Valley on a deluxe RV pad with your very own patio and fire ring — it'll be love at first "site". Go ask Alice ...

ZZ Top is Bad, Nationwide and in West Palm Beach

The Tres Hombres, ZZ Top, are bringing their beards, guitars and drums to the SunFest Music Festival in West Palm Beach, Florida on April 29. After the show, put on your cheap sunglasses and hit the road for a short drive down to Solara Surfside in Miami. Whether you're a sharped dressed man or a woman with legs that never end, you'll find this Bluegreen resort the perfect place to relax and retreat. FYI: You can leave your sleeping bag at home. The accommodations here are all first class!

It's a Great Day to be Bluegreen, Begorrah!

Q: What do you call an Irish-lip sync band?

A: Shamrock.

For tunes that really rock on St. Paddy's Day, and any other time of the year, be sure to turn up the volume and check out Flogging Molly, Dropkick Murphys and, of course, U2. If you're looking for Colorful Places to Play at the end of the vacation rainbow, you'll find them at more than 45 Bluegreen resorts.

Pat Benatar to Get Nervous in the Nation's Oldest City

Pat Benatar is coming to the St. Augustine Ampitheatre on July 2 and I'm all fired up! She was the first rock chick I ever liked so I'll always have a fondness for her music. After a night of rockin' and waxing nostalgic, I'm heading for a little paradise and a great Bluegreen golf experience. With two courses designed by legendary golfers Arnold Palmer and Jack Nicklaus, Grande Villas at World Golf Village is anything but par for the course. Off the greens and fairways you'll find the country club décor of each villa will have you singing the "Ooh, Ooh, Song."

Iron Maiden. Picturesque Desert Landscapes. Sounds Great!

If you haven't been on a Bluegreen vacation, it's time to make up for wasted years by booking a breathtaking desert getaway. While you're at it, you can make plans to see one of the best metal acts in all of rock and roll — Iron Maiden. They're running free across the United States and will be invading the Cricket Wireless Pavilion in Phoenix on June 17. After a night of headbanging, you can relax and unwind in the Wild West. Your luxurious Arizona vacation villa will be waiting at Cibola Vista Resort and Spa.

March Madness Brings Hoops Happiness

If you read vayK's blog, and I hope you do, you know it's time to fill out your March Madness brackets and "Be True to Your School." My alma mater, the University of Kentucky, is making its 50th NCAA Tournament appearance. I plan on bringing an ample supply of blue face paint to The Hammocks at Marathon and making an appearance at Barnacle Barney's Tiki Bar & Grill for opening tip-off on March 18.

When it comes to vacation getaways and relaxing places to enjoy a little basketball, Bluegreen is at the top of its class. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to cue up "We Are the Champions" on my iPod and watch the other teams get schooled ...

Goo Goo Dolls Set to Dizzy Up Charleston

I'm not afraid to admit that I want to play with Goo Goo Dolls. But since they don't know my name, or my incredible prowess behind the drums, I'll have to settle for seeing them in concert on April 24 at the North Charleston Coliseum & Performing Arts Center. After the show, I'm beginning my vacation. With Bluegreen, I have the freedom and flexibility to go anywhere — and the choice to do whatever I want. I'm choosing accommodations in an 18th Century warehouse in the heart of downtown Charleston.

Buddy Holly Singing with Crickets

Buddy Holly and the Crickets record "Maybe Baby" in 1957. I myself like things with a little more certainty. That's why I vacation with Bluegreen. Because I know there are literally hundreds of unique experiences waiting for me in Colorful Places to Play.

Third Eye Blind Focused on Atlantic City

While the diving horse and flag pole sitters may be nothing more than Boardwalk memories, you can still see Third Eye Blind at the House of Blues Atlantic City on April 30. They seem happy with a semi-charmed life, but I want more. I'm passing go and living life to the fullest by landing on the most desirable property in Monopoly's hometown: Bluegreen at Atlantic Palace. Bluegreen's beautiful resort stands 31 stories tall in the heart of the Atlantic City casino district — the perfect retreat after a concert or rewarding gaming experience.

Rock and Rollin' Off the Presses

Front man Billy Corgan is carving out spots in the Smashing Pumpkins for a new bassist and keyboardist. If you’ve ever dreamed of being on tour with a big-time rock band and staying in beautiful resorts, this just might be your chance. For those who can’t carry a tune, but still want to be spoiled and pampered in luxurious surroundings; you can realize your dreams at more than 45 Bluegreen resorts.

Queen Crowned During A Night at the Opera

Queen’s album A Night at the Opera is certified Gold in 1976 — and propels them to rock and roll royalty. Vacation with Bluegreen and you can enjoy nights in exciting destinations like Las Vegas, Orlando, Branson, Smoky Mountains, Myrtle Beach, Williamsburg, Dells of Wisconsin, even exotic Aruba and many more.

3 Doors Down Bringing Kryptonite to Orlando

There’s only one place to enjoy King Cakes and a tune referencing Superman — Universal Studios Mardi Gras Celebration on March 27. Join the revelers and catch a live performance from 3 Doors Down. Their song “The Better Life” always reminds me of Bluegreen’s two relaxing resorts in America’s favorite vacation destination: Orlando’s Sunshine Resort and The Fountains.

Hits and Divots on Myrtle Beach

REO Speedwagon is back on the road again and they’re headed to the House of Blues Myrtle Beach on March 12. After a night of pounding drums and guitar riffs, make plans to shoot some birdies. Myrtle Beach is a golfer’s paradise and Bluegreen has incredible resorts close to more than one hundred championship courses — so grab your clubs and tee it up for an exciting Bluegreen golf vacation.

Led Zeppelin's Physical Graffiti Etched in Gold

Led Zeppelin is awarded a Gold record for their double disc album Physical Graffiti in 1975. The LP would eventually sell more than 8 million copies — and contained the single “Down By the Seaside.” If you’re into soft sand and ocean breezes, Bluegreen has great beach vacations waiting for you.

Couture, Stilettos and Flutes in Miami

What do you call a flute playing rocker with locomotive breath and an aqualung? Jethro Tull — and he’ll be playing the Bayfront Park Amphitheater in Miami on June 4. After the show, trendy South Beach is the place to see and be seen. The open, friendly atmosphere of this party town invites — and encourages — people from all walks of life to be themselves. So be yourself! After an exciting night of painting the town pastel, Bluegreen's Solara Surfside provides a soothing place to unwind.

Styx on Myrtle Beach

Renegades, Miss Americas and Bluegreen owners are all invited to attend the Styx concert at the House of Blues Myrtle Beach on April 9. Come sail away for an exciting vacation experience and have the best of times at Carolina Grande, Harbour Lightsor SeaGlass Tower resorts.

Rock and Rollin' off the Presses

FYI Bluegreen rockers: Jane’s Addiction bassist quits band.

AC/DC Plugs into Las Vegas

AC/DC’s rock -n- roll train is chugging into Las Vegas for a high-voltage performance at the MGM Grand Garden Arena on April 19. For those about to rock, Bluegreen Club 36 salutes you with lavish luxuries, a relaxing poolside bar and convenient access to major casinos. This desert oasis is a sure bet for a winning vacation in the Entertainment Capital of the World!

Hershey and Bon Jovi Good Medicine for Fans

Sweet! Bon Jovi is playing Hersheypark Stadium on May 19. Though he and the band can take the “Lost Highway” to “Destination Anywhere,” there’s only one place for you: Bluegreen’s The Suites at Hershey. Plan a delicious vacation getaway and indulge in just about every kind of chocolate experience imaginable.

Bad to the Bone in Myrtle Beach

George Thorogood & the Destroyers will be tearing up the stage at the House of Blues in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina on March 20. When he belts out “Who Do You Love” tell him Bluegreen Resorts. Then move it on over to Harbour Lights or Carolina Grandefor vacations with low-country charm and spectacular views of the ocean.

Nickelback Headed to New Jersey

Canadian rockers Nickelback are riding through the United States on their Dark Horse tour and you can see them perform live in Atlantic City on April 3. Musically inclined Bluegreen owners should make plans to attend the show at Boardwalk Hall Arena for all the right reasons — to be entertained! Your plans should also include a vacation getaway to Bluegreen at Atlantic Palace.

Slowhand Tuned Up for Orlando

Grammy Award winner and Rock and Roll Hall of Famer Eric Clapton will be playing the Amway Arena in Orlando on March 13. It’s a great time to vacation in Orlando so roll up your wintry bell bottom blues and head to The Fountains. Bluegreen’s world-class resort is overflowing with onsite amenities.

Branson's First Show

If you’re looking for things to do in Branson and need a good laugh, be sure to check out the Baldknobbers. Their zany performances started an entertainment revolution that’s been going strong for 50 years. Opening night of their 2010 season is this Friday (March 5).

Yep, I like side-splitting humor just as much as smashing guitars and Colorful Places to Play.

Eagles in the Desert

The Eagles are landing at the US Airways Center in Phoenix, Arizona on Wednesday, April 21. Don’t forget the after show party — Bluegreen’s Cibola Vista Resort and Spa is a great place to take it easy and have an authentic southwest vacation experience.

Bon Jovi in Sin City

A shout out to all my fellow Bluegreen rockers in Las Vegas — Bon Jovi is on tour and he’ll be there for you March 6 at the MGM Grand Garden Arena. Reserve your vacation villa at Club 36 have a nice day!

This Day in History

Van Halen’s “Jump” jumps to #1 in 1984.

Sir Paul of Success

In 1964 Paul McCartney brought Beatles to the United States and helped launch a British music invasion. We loved them yeah, yeah, yeah; but then they broke up. He spread his Wings with his wife Linda and had 12 top-10 singles in a band on the run through 1981. His resume also includes a solo career and duet with Michael Jackson. With so many accomplishments, it’s no wonder he’s finally ready for his Up and Coming tour in 2010. Bluegreen owners on vacation in Miami can catch him April 3 at Sun Life Stadium.

Not on Permanent Vacation

Steven Tyler of Aerosmith is the Brett Favre of rock and roll. And he’s back in the saddle — at least for now.

Dinner Drum Roll, Please ...

I recently discovered the perfect place to satisfy my appetite for head banging and BBQ — Nicko McBrain’s Rock n Roll Ribs restaurant in Coral Springs, Florida. If you don’t know Nicko, he’s the drummer from Iron Maiden. It was busy the night my son and I went, but we were seated quickly and the ambiance definitely put us in a metal mood. The walls were decorated with guitars and autographed posters from past tours; and flat screens tuned to music videos had us lip-syncing the words. There were many rockin’-inspired menu items to choose from and all were reasonably priced. My son had the Rock n Roll Baby Back Ribs and I ordered the Hot Backstage Chix Sandwich.

Nicko definitely knows how to keep a beat — and his customers happy. He brought extra napkins to our table and took time to chat with us as he signed the Powerslave album cover for my son. (Yes, it was just a coincidence that I happened to have an Iron Maiden album cover and a Sharpie with me at the time.) It was refreshing to see someone who has enjoyed years of fame be such a regular guy. I’m already flicking my lighter for an encore!

Rock the Date

Back in the day when kids still had paper routes, I was the kid responsible for delivering the news in my neighborhood. I made pretty good money delivering those papers and I spent it all on myself. (I was too young to have expenses and I was still living at home.)

My money went to a good cause — rock and roll concert tickets. I didn’t even have to be a huge fan of the group on tour. All I cared about was that it was live and loud. But getting to the concerts wasn’t all that easy. I first had to find out the groups were coming to my town.

Checking the Entertainment section of the newspaper I delivered was a decent source, but like most teenagers, I preferred keeping my ears tuned to the radio. So I listened intently to the ads and the DJs in hopes that they would make a big concert announcement. If I was lucky enough to hear something, I’d gather up my friends and convince my mom to drive us to the record store to get our tickets.

A lot has changed since those days in Michigan. (Although I still go back often ‘cause I love to rock the ski slopes at Bluegreen’s Mountain Run at Boyne.)

Now all I have to do is check my iConcertCal app. This free iTunes plug-in scans my music library and then creates a personalized calendar of upcoming concerts in my city — so I never have to worry about missing my favorite artists on tour. This cool little app even links me up to virtual ticket windows so I can purchase my tickets online.

If iConcertCal had been around when I was growing up, I would have needed to take on a second job …