ScribbleSticks

Po-Boys' Dinner

2011-06-04T21:54:00.008-04:00

So I used my first Groupon tonight. Paid $5 for what I thought would be $35 worth of N'awlins tastiness at the French Quarter Bar & Grill in Pompano Beach, Florida. My son ordered the cajun trio. I had the jambalaya. The trio was an unappetizing amalgamation of creole shrimp, jambalaya and crawfish etouffee — at least that's what the menu said was in there. The jambalaya was a heaping plate of overly al dente spaghetti with four pieces of sausage and three minuscule slices of chicken. Luckily, our meal did include cornbread as a lagniappe.

My Groupon deal was Big. But our meals were not at all Easy to enjoy.

Conch Fritters, Hold the Purse

2011-04-10T22:13:00.027-04:00

A year ago today I conched out. I let the grease from a frittery basket of Hurricane Hams blow a purse right into my hands. It wasn't on the menu and I certainly didn't order it. But I did eat the whole thing up! A true beauty — designer all the way, the kind of accessory that looked great hanging from my arm. And I got a lot of looks. I just pursed my lips and smiled.

Scaring A Ghost Out of Existence

2011-04-09T21:25:00.009-04:00

Back when I was a kid my family and I used to spend a week each summer with our friends who owned a farmhouse in Pennsylvania. There were hayfields to play in, horses to ride, 18th century graveyards to explore, electric fences to grab and ghosts to shock you — if you wanted to believe.

Those who believed (my brother, nieces and nephew of our friends, neighborhood kids, adults) claimed that the upstairs room in the eastern most part of the house was haunted. Things happened that just couldn't be explained. The room was always cold and the smell of lilacs filled the air. A chair rocked back and forth on its own. Of course, there was the ever present "presence" that just happened to put pressure on the bed when "it" decided to sit down next to them.

A ghost? Yep, they could feel it. That's what they told me.

I wasn't even skeptical. In fact, I was a committed nonbeliever.

When I came into the room there was no sweet smell of lilacs wafting through the air, no chairs rocking, no chill in the air. And definitely no ghost. The only thing I felt was the embarrassment coming from the people hiding under the sheets — plus a little bit of anger. They blamed me for not believing and scaring off the ghost.

Guess every disembody is afraid of something.

Happy Birthday Bro

2011-04-07T21:25:00.005-04:00

Throughout the years we gave each other a lot of bumps and bruises as birthday gifts. This year I'm giving you a blog post instead. Great present, huh?!?!

Happy Birthday! All the best!

Sounds Fishy

2011-04-06T21:16:00.009-04:00

A pregnant goldfish is called a twit. Its newly hatched spawn are called fries. For those of you I was able to reel in with those facts, here's another fish story courtesy of Bluegreen Resorts.

Bicentennial Post

2011-04-05T15:31:00.004-04:00

Ah, my 200th post. Tonight I'm going to party like it's 1811. Nothing really else to say besides that.

Not-So-Typical Teenager

2011-04-04T22:49:00.010-04:00

I'm proud of my son just because he's my son. But he recently did something that made me even more proud to be his dad. Something no other teenager would probably even consider. I'm not sure most adults would either. He orchestrated a trip to Michigan all on his own to help his grandfather who is recovering from brain tumor surgery. He squared things with his school so he could take the day off. He told his mom this was something he really wanted and needed to do. He brought a tear to his grandmother's eye when he told her his plans. He told me this was something he had to do on his own. He searched out flights and made the reservation — for one.

I don't think I have ever felt so proud.

Get Swampy With It

2011-04-03T20:45:00.014-04:00

My new favorite show is Swamp People. There's something oddly captivating about watching a bunch of rubes from the Louisiana bayou hunting down and rasslin' alligators before they kill them. The cast of characters includes a team of brothers with beards that would make ZZ Top jealous and still live in their grandparent's house. Quite a feat considering they are likely great grandparents themselves. At 6'4'' and 240 pounds, Terral Evans is certainly unimposing. He works at night, grabbing alligators and tagging them with his bare hands. Poor gators can't get a chomp in edgewise. Then there's Liz Cavalier (of course she is) who likes to think of herself as just one of the boys. She fires the same type of gun as sharpshooter Annie Oakley and can throw a knife with the precision of a hitwoman.

Their cajun drawl is almost unintelligible at times, but that's alright — the History Channel provides subtitles for those us who don't speak swamp. I'm surprised the animal rights activists haven't tried to stomp out this series with their faux alligator boots.

At least the censors haven't scaled it back.

Save the Last Dance for Someone Else

2011-04-02T19:26:00.008-04:00

So, the Butler Bulldogs are the first to go dancing. The U Conn Huskies advance too. They move on after beating my alma mater, the University of Kentucky. Both teams can double dribble and foul out for all I care. But if I had to choose, I'd pick U Conn — to lose, of course. Since the game is played in Texas, and things are bigger there, I hope those dogs choke on a ginormous bone. So much for being a good sport.

Fools Rush In

2011-04-01T19:16:00.010-04:00

South Florida is full of meshuggeners. Most of them can be seen driving 23 MPH in the fast lane of I-95. The others can be found in the aisles and behind the registers at Walmart. Lacking common sense is just standard operating procedure for those folks. And a definite prerequisite for daily survival. But I keep driving and shopping among them because I'm convinced that this is all just a bad dream and when I wake up I'll be back in la la land.

As P. T. Barnum said, "There's a sucker born every minute."

March Madness

2011-03-31T22:21:00.003-04:00

The month is almost over and I haven't posted a single entry on my blog. Time to take a shot from way outside. Swoosh! Nothing but net.

Mountainous Excitement

2011-02-28T21:23:00.004-05:00

When it comes to delivering extreme thrills, Mt. Olympus Water and Theme Park in the Wisconsin Dells rises to the occasion in mythological proportions. Plummet down the tracks of Hades straight into the darkness of the world’s longest underground roller coaster tunnel. Keep one eye open, or shut them both aboard the Cyclops. This coaster drops you 75 feet and meanders 1,680 ft. through Zeus’ Playground. You’ll find more epic adventures waiting when you head to Medusa’s Indoor Water Park for an afternoon of hair-raising fun. Slither down the tubes of the wet and wild Anaconda for a splash landing in a jungle pool flowing through the mouth of the Mayan Raging River. If you consider yourself but a mere mortal, the Parthenon Indoor Theme Park is home to more casual excitement like go-karts and Tea Cups.

Looking for another mountain to conquer? Bluegreen's Christmas Mountain Village is an all-season playground with golf courses so challenging you just might need a little divine intervention to shoot a birdie and save a bogey.

Ring It and Bring It

2011-01-01T16:40:00.004-05:00

I've written my resolutions and I'm ready to break them. I just hope the New Year is ready to cooperate. C'mon, 2011 — let's see what ya got!

2010 — Year in Review

2010-12-27T16:35:00.012-05:00

At the beginning of the year 2010 gave me 525,600 minutes to use anyway I pleased. Here's what I did:

• Melted a cold front
• Got bit by a snake
• Downloaded songs (Legally, of course)
• Withdrew dollar weeds
• Sang in the shower
• Got chewed out
• Shrugged my shoulders
• Gave a damn
• Protected the innocent
• Burned a bridge
• Made turkey loaf
• Ate turkey loaf
• Let someone off the hook
• Drove over the speed limit
• Bumped my head
• Won an award (then more)
• Pushed my luck
• Trained a tree to grow in a different direction
• Spilled coffee
• Changed my password
• Tweeted
• Blogged
• Stumbled upon
• Tightened my belt
• Played the drums
• Annoyed a pitbull
• Dropped a call
• Caught a ball
• Dove in head first
• Struck out
• Talked to a stranger
• Gave in
• Refused to budge
• Sewed my knee
• Pulled a fast one
• Rolled the dice
• Maintained eye contact
• Took a Bluegreen vacation

National Fast Food Day: Celebrating the Unhealthy

2010-11-16T15:59:00.006-05:00

I celebrated National Fast Food Day in gluttonous fashion by quadruple sizing every deep fried and greasy morsel I ordered. I'm pretty sure I'll need more than the the finger lickin' good digits of both hands to accurately count all the calories I ingested today. When the pimply-faced kid behind the counter said, "Have it your way," I did — and then some. Maybe I should make a run for the border and keep on running until I burn off ... hey look: there's a drive-thru. I'm lovin' it!

Just Dessert

2010-10-14T14:20:00.003-04:00

Today is National Dessert Day and I'm going to celebrate with a big slice of cherry pie smothered in whipped cream. Throw in a few Hershey Kisses and a MoonPie and I'll be headed for a lovely sugar-induced coma. Might as well build up my resistance for Halloween night — I'm sure I'll have lots of devilish treats tempting me then ...

Not Seaworthy

2010-10-11T08:34:00.002-04:00

@#&%!! Ferdinand and Isabella just pulled the funding for my cruise. Guess the only thing I'll discover is a pile of work on my desk in the office. Definitely not going to bow down the next time I'm in front of them. But I will have some stern words for the royal couple when I get back to Spain.

Witchy Women

2010-10-07T14:42:00.004-04:00

Just finished making out my Halloween party guest list. Made sure to include Witch Hazel and her sisters Hunt and Craft — but only because I have some macabre word games planned and they're good spellers.

Skeleton in My Closet

2010-10-05T14:23:00.008-04:00

Everybody has at least one skeleton in their closet — and I'm no exception. Thing is, I'm proud of mine. Probably because I made it out of old milk jugs instead of bad decisions I'm trying to keep hidden. As you can see, I did a pretty good job connecting the thigh bone to the hip bone. No shame in that.

The Not-So-Great Pumpkin

2010-10-01T10:14:00.006-04:00

When I lived up in Michigan I could drag Linus out of the pumpkin patch by his blanket and have my choice of great pumpkins to carve the first weekend in October. The air was cool and crisp and conducive to big orange gourds with gaping holes sitting out on the porch for weeks at a time. But now I live in Florida and have only about a two hour window of opportunity before my creation begins to fester and rot into a big moldy blob due to the heat. My pumpkin will never see the darkness of Halloween night if I start carving today. Boo!

Thursday Tidbit

2010-09-30T15:17:00.004-04:00

It takes a saguaro cactus about 75 years before it begins to grow and raise those famous arms.

Sear and Burning in Las Vegas

2010-09-29T15:49:00.004-04:00

You can get hot in Las Vegas and roll the dice all the way to the high rollers suite. Or you can check into the Vdara Hotel and let the "Death Ray" come in through the windows and heat up your vacation. One guest returned home with singed hair and burned skin.

What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas? Apparently not ...

Yeah, Yeah, Yeah!

2010-09-29T15:32:00.002-04:00

I'm so glad my son doesn't find the Fab Four so fabulous anymore. I was never a fan and felt more comfortable squishing said insects rather than listening to them. Now I can go back to doing just that.

Sugar and Spice and Everything Deadly

2010-09-29T14:19:00.006-04:00

A message to moms and dads in Battlecreek, Michigan with teenage boys:

Just read an article about a 17-year-old girl who killed a 448 lb. bear with a bow and arrow on a recent hunting trip. If she can keep those paws off of her imagine what she could do to your son. By the way — she gutted it, too.

Zip It

2010-09-27T15:14:00.009-04:00

Fly like the wind. Soar like an eagle. Float like a butterfly jacked up on caffeine.

These are just some of the adrenaline surging effects you'll experience when you strap on the zipline harness and jump at the chance to prove your nerves are made of high-flying steel. Think you've got what it takes to dance with the treetops? Prove it during your Bluegreen vacation at Mountain Run at Boyne.

Of course it's all just talk until you try it ...

Away from Home for the Holidays

2010-08-27T23:22:00.029-04:00

Instead of going through the same old holiday routine, try something new this year — wrap up your traditions and celebrate the holidays on a Bluegreen holiday vacation in the snow-covered mountains of Michigan. Mountain Run at Boyne, nestled on Boyne Mountain, has cozy, three-bedroom villas complete with a warm fireplace and all the amenities you’ll need to feel at home. Take a deep breath. Can you smell that? Go ahead, let it all in. Now you recognize the aroma ... that’s the smell of tasty treats cooking in grandma’s house — but it’s coming from the full kitchen in your Mountain Run villa. So gather around the table and serve up a big helping of togetherness, because being with loved ones and making new memories is really what the holidays are all about. That and a really good meal!

Think the holidays just won’t be the same unless you’re at home? There’s plenty of fun waiting for your entire family at Mountain Run.

Skiers can take advantage of 14 lifts and more than 50 trails. If you find yourself constantly seeking the next big winter thrill, reserve a Mountain Run villa that gives you the ability to ski in/ski out at the base of the Super Bowl — one of the most popular black-diamond ski runs. This challenging slope is steep and narrow with an advanced terrain. Brave a run downhill and you’ll definitely feel the surge of adrenaline rush past the tip of your icy nose and rosy cheeks. For breathtaking views of the Michigan countryside, enjoy an afternoon of cross-country skiing. This easy-to-learn sport is a great way for everyone in the family to enjoy the great outdoors and get in an incredible full-body workout. Cross-country skiing for just one hour burns approximately 400 calories. (Something to consider after a fine holiday feast!) While Boyne Mountain is the Midwest’s largest ski area, you can also take part in an incredible array of other fun-filled winter activities. Snow tubing, for example, is perfect for all ages. All you need is a tube and the desire to have some slippery fun while spending time with your family swooshing down hills. Snowboarders can slide and jump their way through the Michigan landscape; ice skaters can dream about landing the quadruple jump for Olympic gold.

Those who like their water nice and cold can take a short drive to Zorn Park on Little Traverse Bay for a swim in frigid artesian springs. If you’re looking for an outdoor adventure but need to get equipped, head to Bass Pro Shops. They have everything you could possibly imagine to get you through your next outing. After an exhilarating day of dashing through the snow, make tracks to the Snowflake Lounge for a warm toddy and live entertainment.

If you’d rather splash in a pool than play in the snow, dive in and soak up the fun at Avalanche Bay Indoor Water Park. Michigan’s largest indoor water park features 88,000 square feet of aquatic adventures including slides, rides, climbing walls, kids’ pools, a lazy river and an exciting surf simulator. For those who prefer to stay on dry land, step up to a multi-level arcade with over 100 games. Boyne is an inviting resort community featuring more than a handful of quaint boutique shops as well as your favorite franchised stores. For an authentic souvenir, be sure to pick up Michigan’s one-of-a-kind state stone — the Petoskey Stone. This rare primordial fossilized coral can be found in only a few places including Petoskey State Park, Magnus Park and various local shops. After a day of shopping you can relax your aching muscles with a soothing soak in the indoor hot tub. Or you can throw another log in the fireplace, pop in a DVD, stretch out and let your cares melt away as you settle in for the evening.

Bluegreen’s Mountain Run at Boyne has all the amenities to truly be your home-away-from-home for the holidays. So gather up the kids, invite grandpa and grandma, and tell your relatives to join you at the Michigan ski resort. Make holiday memories that will have you laughing and reminiscing for years to come.

In an Ivy League of Their own

2010-08-01T09:02:00.003-04:00

William and Mary is the second oldest college in the nation. Priding itself on making education available to everyone, in and out of the Commonwealth of Virginia, it is one of only eight “Public Ivy” institutions of higher learning.

Breathe in the Smokies

2010-07-31T10:32:00.003-04:00

The Smoky Mountains National Park is the most visited park in the country, and for good reason. Besides its breathtaking beauty, the park includes Clingman's Dome with a view of five states and the soaring rocks of Chimney Tops.

Relive History in Williamsburg

2010-07-30T20:26:00.004-04:00

Williamsburg is calling. So grab your sense of adventure — because there’s always something to do and see. Saddle up and take a horseback ride through time. Discover the English-style of Colonial-era Virginians along the unchanged woodlands, streams and fields.

Life's Grand Strand in Myrtle Beach

2010-07-29T19:53:00.005-04:00

South Carolina's coast is a magical strip of white-sand beaches that stretches for 60 miles. It's called the Grand Strand, and it is definitely the area's longest running family attraction. Get away on a Bluegreen vacation and discover why Myrtle Beach is famous for its oceanside activities, family fun and golfer's playgrounds.

No Can Do

2010-07-28T20:13:00.017-04:00

If I was living in the temperate grasslands of the prairie with my little prairie family, I'm sure I'd be a fan of canning fruits and vegetables. But I'm far removed from that biome down here in the sweltering swamps of South Florida. So instead of hitching up the team for a ride across the savanna, I'm firing up my mechanized horses for a trip over the asphalt. Going to pick up something I can stick in the microwave — think I'll go for a tasty box of muffin tops with fruit filling and no vegetation!

Making a Zedonk of My Blog Post

2010-07-27T22:29:00.014-04:00

"What are you posting a picture of?"

"It's a zedonk."

"What's a zedonk?"

"It's pretty much my favorite animal. It's like a zebra and a donkey mixed ... bred for its skills in fabricating blog entries."

Howl at the Moon

2010-07-26T21:38:00.004-04:00

Full moon tonight. Takes me back to a classic poem from the 1941 horror flick The Wolfman starring Lon Chaney, Jr:

Even a man who is pure at heart
And says his prayers by night
Can become a wolf when the wolfbane blooms
And the moon is full and bright

If you believe in curses and folklore, grab a handful of silver bullets then call animal control ...

Bluegreen Resorts Lake Experiences

2010-07-25T21:25:00.012-04:00

Dive in and feel the lake effects:

Orlando by Way of Helicopter

2010-07-24T22:29:00.013-04:00

When it comes to things to do in Orlando, I've got two words for you — and they're not Disney World. Helicopter Rides! International Helio-Tours takes you up and around all the Orlando theme parks for unique aerial views. Our ride was much more magical than anything below us.

Wrong Order

2010-07-23T20:31:00.004-04:00

Puh-lease! I'm all for restaurant employee's washing their hands — but I don't need any help from a restroom attendant to wash mine. Put down the soap and step back before things get ugly ...

Tacky Treats

2010-07-21T09:47:00.003-04:00

Hardtack was a simple biscuit consumed by just about every soldier in the Civil War. Made from flour, salt, vegetable fat and water, it fit easily in haversacks and could be taken on long marches because it wouldn’t spoil. Unfortunately, the biscuits got rock hard — and had to be soaked or fried in grease to eat. Grease? Carbs? Seems like good fortune to me.

Bursting Your Bubble

2010-07-21T07:43:00.002-04:00

The restorative powers of the Fountain of Youth don’t actually flow from a fountain. In reality, they bubble up from a natural spring.

Commonwealth of Presidents

2010-07-20T17:18:00.004-04:00

Virginia is for lovers — and presidents. George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, James Madison, James Monroe, William Henry Harrison, John Tyler, Zachary Taylor and Woodrow Wilson were all born there.

Towering Inspiration in Branson

2010-07-20T17:08:00.007-04:00

Inspiration Tower, located in Branson, Missouri, weighs in with more than 92,000 pounds of structural steel. This famous landmark can withstand constant winds of 172 miles per hour and gusts up to 224 miles per hour.

One Hot Night — Je T'aime Paris

2010-07-20T16:30:00.004-04:00

The hottest nights are sparked by softly spoken words, kindled by a passing glance and fanned by gentle touches. Though we know not what tonight may bring, we embrace every possibility and remain united — as we stroll down the enchanted boulevards of a romantic city divided by the River Seine.

Please Reserve Saturday Evening
December 4, 2010
7 – 11 PM

One Hot Night
Benefiting Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation

Woodfield Country Club
Boca Raton
561.686.7701

Chairman: Amy Lubetkin
Title sponsor: Bluegreen Corporation

They're Not Playing My Tune

2010-07-19T14:47:00.006-04:00

I've heard that tune before and it's definitely not music to my ears.

A Sight that Makes Eyes Sore

2010-07-18T10:14:00.008-04:00

A note to European men on the beach: gain a little self-respect and a find a way to let your shame gene shine through a bit more. That suit you're wearing isn't flattering to your Europeaness. If I'm going to get seasick, I want to be on a boat.

2010-07-16T09:17:00.017-04:00

Hey Dad,

You're in the surgeon's very capable hands. More importantly, you have the strength of someone half your age, an abundance of willpower and a dogged determination to not let an inconvenient little thing like an operation slow you down from doing a full day's work and then some. But for now, your job is to rest and recover.

Sending you positive thoughts and lots of love.

Save the Date

2010-07-15T06:56:00.006-04:00

To say today is a day like any other would be a huge understatement. It's because of something that happened on July 15 that I was able to change my outlook and push the move forward button. I have no intention of rewinding. Happy days are here again — for sure and for certain!

Enjoy the Sweet Life

2010-07-14T21:54:00.015-04:00

If you love chocolate, treat yourself to a chocolate holiday during your next visit to Bluegreen's The Suites at Hershey. This resort is a delicious destination filled with all the amenities you crave. Hershey is the SWEETEST PLACE ON EARTH and it’s filled with tempting attractions and activities sure to please the entire family. Here, you can satisfy your sweet tooth, ride a Comet, earn a Masters Degree in Chocolate Tasting, get a cocoa massage and sample everything Chocolate Town, USA has to offer. You’ll find plenty of things to do in Hershey — and your journey into the wonderful world of chocolate begins at HERSHEY'S CHOCOLATE WORLD.

For other sweet ideas on your trip to Hershey, check out the Hershey Travel Guide.

The New Orleans Audubon Aquarium

2010-07-14T21:34:00.007-04:00

If your next Bluegreen vacation calls for penguins, stingrays, two loveable sea otters and a Caribbean Reef, you can find them all and more waiting for you in the heart of New Orleans at the Audubon Aquarium of the Americas. Neighboring the French Quarter, this is an incredible place to celebrate the wonders of nature while on your next family fun vacation at Bluegreen Club La Pension resort.

Mmm, Mmm M&M's

2010-07-13T22:52:00.008-04:00

Milk Chocolate. Peanut. Almond. Peanut Butter. Coconut. Dark Chocolate. Pretzel. Minis. Premium. Definitely a big variety of M&M's. I just hope they don't melt on my blog ...

Good Thinking

2010-07-12T22:28:00.004-04:00

I was feeling a little light-headed so I quit holding my breath. I also stopped carrying a grudge 'cause my back was hurting. But I'm not gonna take back that thing I said!

The Heat Was On

2010-07-11T22:35:00.012-04:00

Heat exhaustion. Sunstroke. Sunny side up. Whatever you call it, I had it. (My reward for 10 hours in the sun.) But I didn't let my lethargic stooper prevent me from getting in the car and heading to McDonald's for some large fries covered with five packets of salt. I chased that deep-fried goodness with a bag of popcorn, coconut and jalapeno flavored Jelly Belly beans. I'm sure that's what the doctor would have recommended. Made me feel better.

Customer Disservice

2010-07-10T19:44:00.005-04:00

The retail industry in South Florida prides itself on rude and inattentive behavior. But I'm not complaining — because I always get more than I bargained for. And that's the secret of good shopping!

Friday Fact

2010-07-09T22:37:00.004-04:00

Pigeon Forge has a daily population of about 50,000 people. Only 5,800 are permanent residents.

Color My Decision

2010-07-08T22:52:00.007-04:00

Tonight's sky is alive with color. I wish I was on a plane flying through the pink cotton candy clouds sewn together with tangerine streaks. I could look down to the west and watch the amber sun sink below the horizon; then gaze at the amethyst hues emanating from the enveloping nighttime abyss. But since I'm not on a plane, I'm going to watch Andy Griffith reruns. Those are in black and white.

Acting Squirrely

2010-07-07T22:50:00.014-04:00

I didn't play the lotto tonight because I just came up with a million dollar idea: squirrel benches. I'm going to use my master carpentry skills to build these ravenous rodents a place to sit while they gnaw on corn cobs skewered to the front of the bench. Nail to your favorite tree (maple, birch, elm and oak all work well) and you're ready for dinner guests. As they say, if you build it, they will come. I must be nuts!

Give in to Temptation

2010-07-06T22:02:00.006-04:00

Self restraint seems like a good idea on paper. But not when it comes to decadent desserts with layers of sweetness that are too sinful to pass up. A good presentation ain't doing me any favors either ...

Dog Days of Summer

2010-07-05T09:10:00.008-04:00

Joey "Jaws" Chestnut did it again. He sunk his teeth into 54 hot dogs in just 10 minutes to win his 4th Nathan's Famous Hot Dog Eating Contest at Coney Island. Though it was a light meal compared to his record setting 68 franks last year, he still consumed large quantities of calories — 16,038 to be exact. But who's counting? Better loosen that Mustard Belt he just won.

Former champion Takeru Kobayashi was not in the competition but he still did some hot dogging. The NYPD served his up with handcuffs and a trip to jail to get grilled. Bet that's gonna leave a bad taste in his mouth!

Safely Explosive

2010-07-04T22:43:00.001-04:00

Every digit and appendage accounted for — until next 4th of July ...

All Sizzle, No Fizzle

2010-07-04T17:19:00.006-04:00

It's kind of difficult to let cacophony ring in the driving rain. Looks like my fireworks show is moving indoors. Time to light the fuse — boom, bang, baby! I'm expecting the grand finale to be spectacular. And I hold that truth to be self evident!

Well, I Declare

2010-07-04T10:10:00.006-04:00

According to scientists using hyper-spectral imaging techniques, Thomas Jefferson rubbed out the word subjects and changed it to citizens while he was writing the Declaration of Independence. Seems like a calculated edit to slap King George III in the face. I can certainly appreciate having the unalienable right to pursue that kind of happiness.

Sammy Hagar a Sure Bet in Vegas

2010-07-03T22:15:00.011-04:00

Get on your bad motor scooter and ride. Sammy Hagar is playing the MGM Grand Garden Arena in Las Vegas on July 31 and there's only one way to rock — LOUD! Like the Red Rocker, I can't drive 55. But I can stay at Bluegreen Club 36 and enjoy some Cabo Wabo Tequila.

Rotten Apple

2010-07-02T15:54:00.007-04:00

First the iPhone 4 prototype is stolen and now this. What is it with Apple and bars?

Have a Blast this Weekend

2010-07-02T06:21:00.008-04:00

Don't know how many chances I'll get to bang out a sentence using onomatopoeia — guess the 4th of July weekend is as good as any to let my words go boom!

Maggots on a Plane

2010-07-01T14:14:00.008-04:00

"Ladies and gentlemen this is the captain speaking. Due to rising costs we will now have to charge you for the maggots spewing from the overhead compartment. Thank you for flying the unfriendly and decaying skies."

Lady Dude Dude

2010-07-01T07:00:00.002-04:00

I knew it! This is the real Lady Gaga. She never fooled me for a minute. To all my friends who said she wasn't ... time to man up!

Hand Me My Lobster Bib

2010-06-30T09:43:00.013-04:00

Dear Mr. Spiny Crustacean:

It's lobster season in the Florida Keys. Unfortunately, the Governor didn't call. No stay of execution for you. Time to fire up the grill and melt some butter.

Yours in good eats,

ScribbleSticks

Have Thread Will Stitch

2010-06-29T20:09:00.005-04:00

Second only to Paul Bunyan when it comes to wielding an axe. First at building and stoking a campfire. I'm also at the top of my class when it comes to stitching up my own knee.

More Bang Back for Little Bucks

2010-06-28T23:00:00.011-04:00

Flashing lights. Buzzers and bells. Stand like a statue or become part of the machine. The Pinball Hall of Fame in Las Vegas has 10,000 square feet of pinball wizardry and I'm the Bally Table King. Never tilt at all. Play the silver ball for just 25¢ or 50¢. See if you can beat my best. If you're looking for me, I'll be feeling all the bumpers ... and staying at Bluegreen Club 36.

Strikes and Spares Forever

2010-06-27T20:36:00.004-04:00

I've always loved bowling. And I can usually find my way into the pocket no matter what the lane conditions are. But I recently found an alley where my ball reaction is so good I'm never going to throw strikes anywhere else. I foresee a lot of perfect games!

United States Kicked Out

2010-06-26T22:23:00.008-04:00

The US soccer team is a Ghana. Their World Cup definitely doesn't runneth over. On a personal note, I had a winning Saturday — which was exactly my goal!

Solving the Puzzle

2010-06-25T19:28:00.002-04:00

Click! The final piece of the puzzle was in the corner. Should have seen that one earlier. I always overlook the obvious ...

Nuclear Attack

2010-06-24T10:27:00.009-04:00

Someone just told me that I was radiant and glowing. Could have been because I got a nice tan this past weekend. Or maybe it was that radioactive isotope injected into my body. Either way, a compliment is a compliment! And it is normal to have six fingers on the same hand, right?!

And the Stupid Shall Inherit the ...

2010-06-23T15:41:00.022-04:00

Ah, I just love rewarding stupidity. The following is this year's Stella Awards for frivolous lawsuits:

SEVENTH PLACE
Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas. Awarded $80,000 by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running inside a furniture store. The store owners were understandably surprised by the verdict, considering the running toddler was her own son.

SIXTH PLACE
Carl Truman, 19, of Los Angeles, California. Won $74,000 plus medical expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord. Truman apparently didn't notice there was someone at the wheel of the car when he was trying to steal his neighbor's hubcaps.

FIFTH PLACE
Terrence Dickson of Bristol, Pennsylvania. Tried to leave a house he had just burglarized by way of the garage when the automatic garage door opener malfunctioned and he could not get the garage door to open. What's worse, he couldn't re-enter the house because the door connecting the garage to the house locked when Dickson pulled it shut. Forced to sit for eight, count 'em, EIGHT days and survive on a case of Pepsi and a large bag of dry dog food. He sued the homeowner's insurance company claiming undue mental Anguish. Amazingly, the jury said the insurance company must pay Dickson $500,000 for his anguish. We should all have this kind of anguish.

FOURTH PLACE
Jerry Williams of Little Rock, Arkansas. Awarded $14,500 plus medical expenses after being bitten on the butt by his next door neighbor's beagle - even though the beagle was on a chain in its owner's fenced yard. Williams did not get as much as he asked for because the jury believed the beagle might have been provoked at the time of the butt bite because Williams had climbed over the fence into the yard and repeatedly shot the dog with a pellet gun.

THIRD PLACE
Amber Carson of Lancaster, Pennsylvania. A jury ordered a Philadelphia restaurant to pay her $113,500 after she slipped on a spilled soft drink and broke her tailbone. The reason the soft drink was on the floor: Ms. Carson had thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument.

SECOND PLACE
Kara Walton of Claymont, Delaware. Sued the owner of a night club in a nearby city because she fell from the bathroom window to the floor, knocking out her two front teeth. Even though Ms. Walton was trying to sneak through the ladies room window to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge, the jury said the night club had to pay her $12,000 ... plus dental expenses.

FIRST PLACE
This year's runaway First Place Stella Award winner was: Mrs. Merv Grazinski of Oklahoma City, Oklahoma. Purchased new 32-foot Winnebago motor home then set the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly left the driver's seat to go to the back of the Winnebago to make herself a sandwich. Not surprisingly, the motor home left the freeway, crashed and overturned. Also not surprisingly, Mrs. Grazinski sued Winnebago for not putting in the owner's manual that she couldn't actually leave the driver's seat while the cruise control was set. The Oklahoma jury awarded her $1,750,000 PLUS a new motor home. Winnebago actually changed their manuals as a result of this suit, just in case Mrs. Grazinski has any relatives who might also buy a motor home.

I couldn't be happier that we live in such a litigious society. I'm going to annoy a slobbering pit bull later this evening then spill hot coffee on my lap in my neighbor's RV. Know any good lawyers?

Smoky Mountains if You Got 'Em

2010-06-22T23:07:00.004-04:00

Trout fishing. Shooting the rapids. Beautifully expansive views. Hiking in the wilderness. Fresh air. This is my kind of vacation.

Experience Harry Potter Like Never Before

2010-06-21T12:07:00.009-04:00

Great news Bluegreen muggles! The much anticipated Wizarding World of Harry Potter is now open at Universal’s Islands of Adventure Theme Park. Be a part of the excitement and put a different kind of magic in your Orlando vacation.

You and your family can explore the streets of Hogsmeade then pass through the enormous gates of Hogswart on your way to an unforgettably thrilling adventure. Soar above the castle and come face-to-face with magical creatures on the Harry Potter and the Forbidden Journey ride.

Stop by Hagrid’s hut and follow his instructions for approaching a Hippogriff. This creature has the head of a giant eagle and the body of a horse. Climb aboard the Flight of the Hippogriff and let this captivating family coaster (woven from wicker and decorated with fluttering leaves representing feathers) send you spiraling, swooshing and diving around a pumpkin patch.

Ready for more? Then take the Dragon Challenge. An aggressive Chinese Fireball or ferocious Hungarian Horntail stands ready to take you on a looping, twisting ride as they chase each other across the sky. Hold on tight because these racing roller coaster dragons nearly collide with each other.

Having magical fun can certainly work up an appetite. Be sure to stop by Three Broomsticks restaurant for a tasty meal. You can also pick up souvenirs at Filch’s Emporium of Confiscated Goods.

Make plans to stay at The Fountains or Orlando’s Sunshine Resort this summer and bring the adventures of Harry Potter and his friends to life at Universal Studio Orlando!

Lessons Learned

2010-06-20T22:01:00.005-04:00

Hey Dad,

Thanks for always lending a helping hand. Thanks for showing me how to survive in the wilderness. Thanks for showing me how to fix things around the house. Thanks for letting me get away without doing my chores. Thanks for helping me with my paper route instead of sleeping in on the weekends. Thanks for showing me when to be tough and when to let things go. Thanks for being there for me without question at any hour in any state. I learned a lot growing up and hanging out with you. And you know how I know? I saw it in my son's eyes this weekend. He appreciated the things I was showing him — the things I learned from you!

Happy Father's Day!

Just Peachy

2010-06-18T22:35:00.006-04:00

I've never uttered the phrase "You're a Peach" but I know someone who has. I've had a shot or two — or five — of Peach Schnapps. I've overindulged on peaches -n- cream. I've shaved peach fuzz off my chin. I've even thrown a peach pit out of a car window. But brushed peach pants? You bet! I picked a pair of these smoothies off the sales rack this afternoon because I could squeeze another $10 off the 35% markdown ...

In Need of a Cool Bluegreen Vacation

2010-06-17T20:22:00.005-04:00

Thanks to the deft hands of an FPL worker, I had my first taste of hurricane season last night. That severed line afforded me the opportunity to sit in total darkness and sweltering heat for 5 hours. It wasn't a total loss though — I was able to ignite the pyromaniac in me by torching the overpriced candles I bought from a school fundraiser. As I stared into the flames I thought about getting away and having a better experience — the kind only a Bluegreen vacation can deliver.

One Flew Over the Cuckoo's House

2010-06-16T22:15:00.006-04:00

Wow, can you imagine having her for a mother-in-law? I'd be deplaning immediately! Bet she has a lot of baggage — and some lost luggage, too.

Sa-Wing Batter

2010-06-15T22:33:00.003-04:00

I don’t know how many more times I can go to bat without swinging for the fences. But I do know this: when I make contact with that little round orb I’m gonna knock the cover off of it — exposing the tightly woven wool around its cushioned center. BTW: I like ‘em low and inside!

The Smell of Vacation is in the Air

2010-06-14T22:38:00.010-04:00

One of my favorite parts of going on a Bluegreen vacation is traveling to places where the people really get into character. The sites, the sounds, the smells ... actually, I could do without the smells. You people don't need to get THAT into character. (This is the 21st Century — you can bathe more than twice a year!) Last time I checked the supermarket aisles and shelves in these towns of yesteryear were full of soap and deodorant. Please, lather up and douse yourself with something that combats sweat and masks that malodorous authenticity. I don't want your funk to be a lingering part of my vacation memories!

Myrtle Beach Monikers

2010-06-13T20:19:00.004-04:00

Myrtle Beach has many aliases: “The Seaside Capital of the World,” “The Campground Capital of the World,” “The Miniature Golf Capital of the World” and “Branson by the Sea.”

Two Thumbs Down

2010-06-12T21:12:00.009-04:00

The previews at the movie we just tried to watch were a thunderous cacophony of loudness. Our feature film was just the opposite. The volume started at a whisper and got lower until you could only enjoy the movie if you read lips. Our silent movie lasted 30 minutes before we tuned out and gave up. And who could blame us? We missed what was probably one of the most important dialogue sequences in the movie. We didn’t even have time to finish the large quantities of food we purchased from the concession stand. A Movie Catastrophe (AMC) for sure.

Sizzling Surfside

2010-06-11T14:14:00.006-04:00

Hot nights, Art Deco, Latin beats, tropical palms, shopping, ocean breezes and plenty of people watching — gotta be Miami!

Awesome Arizona

2010-06-11T14:06:00.003-04:00

Legendary beauty. Luxurious indulgences. Only in the American Southwest. Ciboal Vista Resort and Spa is located just outside Phoenix in Peoria, Arizona.

Totally Tubular in the Smokies

2010-06-10T15:44:00.010-04:00

Someone just asked me if I wanted to go on a wet -n- wild River Romp with them in the Smoky Mountains. I'd be a fool not to take part in a tubetastic adventure like that! I'm going to lace up my swim suit nice and tight so it doesn't fall off — 'cause this is a "G" rated blog ...

Ain't No Good Life

2010-06-09T16:34:00.005-04:00

C'mon, lawn seats? I was the 9th caller. I beat out every other person trying to get their hands on Lynyrd Skynyrd tickets. I should at least be sitting close enough to the stage to see Johnny Van Zant's pores. On second thought, I don't want to see that. But I do want to sit in the pavilion — gimme three steps and I can probably sneak in from the grassy knoll. Just don't ask me no questions if I get caught. I deserve to be there anyway!

Eat Like a Local

2010-06-09T15:20:00.009-04:00

Remember being dared to eat things as a kid? We’ll, here’s your chance to be a kid again — we dare (actually, it’s more like encourage) you to sample unique regional delights on your next Bluegreen vacation. Dig in!

Gator Bites
You may not want to cross paths with an alligator, but this reptilian predator sure does look less ferocious in an appetizer basket. Known for being tender with a mild taste, the gator tail is a popular choice for those seeking a protein-filled exotic treat. Chomp some down at The Stuffed Pig during your next visit to The Hammocks at Marathon.

Conch Fritters
If you’re looking for a tasty treat to complement your favorite tropical drink, order a delectable plate of “Hurricane Ham.” Better known as conchs, these gastropod mollusks from the Bahamas make excellent appetizers. At Barnacle Barney’s, we bread ‘em with cornmeal, add chopped vegetables, cover with buttermilk and hot sauce; then toss in the deep fryer. Don’t forget the tangy dipping sauce!

Walleye Sandwich
Beneath the icy waters of Lake Michigan swims one of the most popular fish to eat in the area — the toothy, torpedo-shaped walleye. The meat of a walleye is tender, white and flaky; and is perfect for grilling or pan-frying. You can find tasty walleye sandwiches on the menu at restaurants near Bluegreen Odyssey Dells prepared just the way you like them: ready to eat!

Wisconsin Famous Nachos
Nachos just aren’t nachos without the gooey goodness of melted cheese — especially in Wisconsin. Order up a plate of homemade tortilla chips smothered in real Wisconsin cheddar cheese and topped with your choice of Wisconsin Johnsonville diced brat (highly recommended), seasoned beef or fiesta bold chicken. You can enjoy them with all the fixings and a chipotle salsa at Mulligans Bar N Grill.

Deep Fried Pickles
There’s nothing like the taste of a cool, crisp pickle on a hot summer afternoon. There’s also nothing like covering it with a spicy, seasoned batter and throwing it in deep fryer. Blue Moose Burger & Wings invites you to get yourself in a deep-fried pickle the next time your Bluegreen vacation takes you to MountainLoft or Laurel Crest in the Great Smoky Mountains.

Chicken Livers and Fried Pig Ears
The Big Easy is synonymous with great food. And Cochon has two palate tempting offerings to jazz up your next meal. Treat your taste buds to a tantalizing plate of chicken livers smothered with pepper jelly, raw onions and parsley served on toast. Or try a serving of something even more intriguing: fried pig ears with cane syrup mustard

Rattlesnake
Shake things up during your next visit to Cibola Vista Resort and Spa and shed your fear of rattlesnakes. Mosey on up to the table for some authentic “Wild West” cuisine and let Rustler’s Rooste turn dangerous bites into tasty ones. Some say this creepy crawler has a flavor similar to chicken. Others say it’s more like fish. Ask the locals and they just say “delish!”

Scrapple
Breakfast is the most important meal of the day. So the next time you’re staying in The Suites at Hershey, wake up to a big plate of Scrapple at Café Campbelltown. This popular dish is prepared using leftover pig parts, spices and other ingredients to form a most unique loaf of meat. Grab a fork and enjoy one of the few things not sugar coated in Hershey, Pennsylvania.

Mr. Blue

2010-06-08T16:26:00.013-04:00

The mighty Garth Brooks has been knocked off his country music haystack. George Strait is the new cowboy hat/boot wearing kingpin. Not sure I know one single song either of them sings. If It Don't Matter to the Sun, it don't matter to me. I'll still take a swig of that 80 Proof Bottle of Tear Stopper — just in case I start having twangs of sadness!

Everyone's Welcome

2010-06-08T14:31:00.008-04:00

Admit it. Sometimes vacations are better with mixed company. So ditch the guys for your best girl. Or leave the ladies and go with your man. It’s bound to be an experience you’ll always remember.

Las Vegas
From world-class casinos and endless buffets to exotic spas and themed-shopping excursions, Las Vegas has it all — for both men and women! When you roll the dice in Vegas, one thing’s a sure bet: you’ll never be bored. After all, this is the Entertainment Capital of the World. And don’t forget, Sin City is also famous for 24-hour wedding chapels. Many are within walking distance of Bluegreen Club 36.

Outdoor Adventures
Old Man Winter and Mother Nature team up in the waning months of the year to make Christmas Mountain Village in the Wisconsin Dells and Mountain Run at Boyne in Boyne Falls, Michigan some of the coolest and prettiest places for everyone to play. Outdoor activities abound at these locations with black diamond ski runs, beginner’s slopes, cross-country skiing trails and snowboarding hills. The area is also home to some of the best indoor water parks — so take off the snow suits and slip into something more revealing! Just one more reason to warm up to a vacation in the great white north.

Manly Mancations

2010-06-08T14:02:00.009-04:00

Those gender-specific jaunts so popular with the ladies are now gaining interest with men. So round up your pals, call your brother and invite dear ol' dad to join you for a little male bonding.

Daytona
If your trip with the guys calls for exhilarating thrills, Daytona can test your mettle. Shift into high-gear and burn rubber around the legendary 2.5 mile Daytona International Speedway. OF course one of the last drive-on beaches is still a great place to make tracks. After a day of revving your engines, Daytona SeaBreeze is a welcoming place for a pit stop.

Great Golf Fore! Sure
Hitting the links with the boys never gets old — especially on world renowned golf courses in St. Augustine and Myrtle Beach. Take out your driver and swing for the flag unfurling on that distant green ahead. Then putt your way to another birdie — or eagle. (Remember, if you take a Mulligan, give one back.) Once the scorecard has been signed, it's time to relax. Bluegreen's Grande Villas at World Golf Village and Harbour Lights are anything but par for the course.

Ladies Night (Or Day)

2010-06-08T12:26:00.009-04:00

Girls-only travel is on a nonstop vacation runaway. Moms, aunts, sisters and childhood friends are packing their bags and heading out to great destinations.

Miami
Put on your best couture dress and strap on the stilettos. Trendy South Beach is the place to see and be seen. The open, friendly atmosphere of this party town invites — and encourages — people from all walks of life to be themselves. So be yourself! There’s plenty of dining, shopping, clubbing and dancing to keep you and your girlfriends entertained ‘til dawn. After an exciting night of painting the town pastel, Solara Surfside provides a soothing place to unwind.

Williamsburg
Colonial Williamsburg has it all: southern hospitality, historic homes, delectable dining and exceptional wineries. What else could a girl ask for? How about shopping on cobblestone streets and 18th century ambiance? Witness historical re-enactments then tour one of Virginia's vineyards. Step back in time and be totally up-to-date at Bluegreen's Patrick Henry Square and Parkside Williamsburg resorts.

Breaking Bread

2010-06-07T22:28:00.009-04:00

Snuggle: to draw close and hold comfortably.

Toufayan Bakeries Snuggles: to crumble quickly.

Your packaging describes these little cylinders of carbs as the ultimate fun roll. You got that right! The sausage I was eating rolled out of its breaded Bastille and fell directly onto my lap. You ought to rename them Divorce — 'cause everything just falls apart!

Did You Know?

2010-06-06T09:44:00.011-04:00

• Wisconsin does not allow butter substitutes in state prisons.
• You cannot fire a cannon during your wedding in Pennsylvania.
• Florida can arrest single women for parachuting on Sundays.
• In Virginia, citizens must honk their horn while passing other cars.
• Hunting camels within the state borders of Arizona is a crime.
• Wearing an alligator costume is illegal in Louisiana.
• Putting a skunk on the desk of your boss is not permitted in Michigan.
• Talking behind a person's back is illegal in Nevada.
• It is illegal to use lassos to catch a fish in Tennessee.
• Bluegreen has resorts in every state I just mentioned.

Guilty Pleasures

2010-06-05T21:50:00.007-04:00

Have to admit, I like:

• The sound of dishes breaking in a restaurant
• Tongue-tied keynote speakers
• Jugglers who drop the ball
• Rain on parades
• Double bogeys at Augusta
• Melting ice sculptures
• A two out, two-strike homer in the 9th inning of a no hitter
• Nervous substitute teachers
• Eroding sandcastles

But don't think badly of me ...

Milk It!

2010-06-04T16:25:00.010-04:00

June is National Dairy Month — and we’re looking for your best milk moo-stache vacation images. Enter the Bluegreen Resorts 2010 Moo-stache Photo Contest today. Snap a photo of your family or friends with a milk mustache at a Bluegreen resort Dairy Month event. A panel of lactose-tolerant judges will then choose finalists based on each photo's relevance to Dairy Month and publish them for you to vote and pick the winner! One grand-prize winner will receive a 3-night stay in America's Dairy Land!

In keeping with the theme of the month, say “Cheese” and get moo-ving! But don't have a cow, you have until July 7, 2010, to enter.

The Bell Tolls for Ernie

2010-06-04T13:16:00.008-04:00

After being injured in World War I, Ernest Hemingway made his way to Petoskey, Michigan to recuperate. And by recuperate I mean drink! The Town Museum has an exhibit detailing the author’s time spent in the area.

Water, Water Everywhere

2010-06-04T10:49:00.009-04:00

I was coming up dry for blog post ideas and then I saw this: Wisconsin is home to 7,446 streams and rivers. Stretching end to end they measure 26,767 miles. That’s enough to circle the globe at the Equator.

Scare Up a Good Time

2010-06-04T06:31:00.005-04:00

Grab a candle and guard the flame. The Original Ghosts of Williamsburg Candlelight Tours will regale you with spooky stories as you walk along dark colonial streets. For more great spirits, be sure to check out some of the local taverns. If you're lucky, you just might run into something that goes bump in the night ...

Bet Against the House

2010-06-03T23:24:00.010-04:00

In 1980 the 26-story MGM Grand went up in smoke. It was the biggest loss in Vegas history.

Hey Stoopid, Feed My Frankenstein

2010-06-03T15:11:00.011-04:00

Shock rocker Alice Cooper has a penchant for loud music, golf and tasty food. (All of which you can enjoy on your next Arizona desert vacation to Bluegreen's Cibola Vista Resort and Spa.) Make sure you visit Cooperstown for weekday specials and star-inspired menu items. “Nightmare” Nachos and “Elaine Benes” Big Salad are sure to be music to your stomach.