Fun in the Sun

Tan lines, grill marks, BBQ sauce stains, poolside chats, freckles and classic rock blasting in the background. You gotta love three day weekends.

Proud to be Carnivorous

Swat. Smack. Stomp. I'm not winning points with PETA. But who cares, my fellow picnickers aren't bugged by my actions. Think I'll treat them to a live lobster boil and serve up some burgers that are still mooing.

Just for the Health of It

This new healthier lifestyle certainly agrees with me. I'm getting along with it better than anything I've tried before. Although I think the bags of Doritos and packages of chocolate chips cookies are a little confused as to why I broke up with them. They're right for someone though. If it's you, all the best for many years of caloric happiness. As for me, I'm going to get in a little cardio and have something lighter.

Centennial Post

Wow, the century mark. My fingers did a lot of dancing across the keyboard to reach this semi-unimpressive milestone. Any minute now I'm sure balloons will fall from the ceiling and bursts of confetti will shower down on top of me and my computer. At least that's what I'm posting ...

Cross that Bridge When You Come to It

Residents of Michigan’s Upper Peninsula are known as “Yoopers.” Their Lower Peninsula neighbors are commonly referred to as “Trolls,” because they live under the Mackinac Bridge. Also known as Big Mac, the Mackinac Bridge is an astonishing 8,614 feet long including the anchorages. That makes it the longest suspension bridge in the Western Hemisphere. In a supporting role, the main cables are made from 42,000 miles of wire.

Just across the bridge is Mackinac Island, where residents still travel by horse, carriage or foot. I highly recommend a trip to the Great Lakes State — and not because I'm from Michigan and extremely biased.

Acting My Age

So I turned *bleep bleep* years young yesterday and I can honestly say it was by far one of my best birthday celebrations. It had everything: laughs, food, frivolity, free parking, sand, sunsets, shivers, decadent indulgences, hotel lobbies, water (salt, tap and sparkling), something old, something new, something borrowed and something blue. There was also a washed up tuna carcass and band with a lead singer whose voice was more offensive than the stench coming from that maggot-infested fish. I even misplaced my car and had a few close encounters with oncoming traffic. Believe it or not, there were no drinks involved. Now that's happy.

Make a Wish

Another birthday — and I'm fairly confident this isn't the year I'll be old enough to know better. Probably because I'm forever optimistically youthful. Or is it perpetual immaturity? Whatever ... Just bring me my cake and presents.

Free Summer Fun

June is definitely a great month to be outdoors. Especially at the Sun Fun Festival in Myrtle Beach. This two day extravaganza features live music, professional sporting events and plenty of food vendors to satisfy any appetite. You can also find eager young ladies slathered in sun tan lotion grandstanding along the Grand Strand in the Miss Sun Fun and Miss Bikini Wahine pageants. Ok, Ok, I know what you're thinking — even though this is one of the Southeast Tourism Society’s Top 20 Events, I'm only going because I like beautiful bronzed babes. And you're right — that and the fact that it's free!

All Fowled Up

Stupidity. Humor. Violence. Innuendos. One-Liners. References you couldn't possibly understand unless you're an adult. They just don't make cartoons like this anymore:

Tune in and Turn on The Middle

Ah, "The Middle." I turned it on this week and became instantly hooked. Normally, I'm not a big fan of the latest TV programs, but this one grabbed my attention. Maybe I can identify with them because they're a Midwestern family. Maybe it's because the actors really get into their roles. Whatever the reason, I'm going to make sure my clicker has enough battery power to find the right channel when it comes on again!

Gone to Pot in the Smokies

The Smoky Mountains are famous for marauding bears and clay pots. Unfortunately, the bears are protected and not available to take home as souvenirs. That leaves the handmade pottery of Robert Alwine. Alwine Pottery has been on the map since 1983 and every piece is still formed, decorated, glazed and fired right in his studio. Alwine claims he fell in love with clay the first time he touched it some 36 years ago — I can certainly appreciate falling in love with something the first time I touch it, too.

Frittered Away My Winters

There were a lot of cold winter months in Michigan and I never once passed the time by standing on my hands or juggling vases. Although I did throw a lot of snowballs at innocent passersby and regularly skated on thin ice.

I should have practiced the ancient art form of acrobatics. That way, I could be performing in Branson with the Acrobats of China featuring the New Shanghai Circus. Oh well, I'll always have those chilly memories.

Remembering Dio

Ronnie James Dio was small in stature but his thunderous voice rocked arenas like no other singer. He passed away on May 16 after a battle with stomach cancer. I'm sure he'll continue to entertain Heaven & Hell.

Love at First "Site"

I've done it in a tent, a lean-to and out in the open. Now I'm going to spend the night under the stars in an RV. Shenandoah Crossing's RV neighborhood is the perfect place to fall in love with a home on wheels.

Waxing Nostalgic

I always loved coloring as a kid — and I did my best to stay outside the lines. There's was just something special about that big box of Crayola Crayons and those crazy names.

Here were some of my favorite colors:

• Atomic Tangerine
• Blizzard Blue
• Screamin' Green
• Wild Watermelon
• Nancy White (I loaned her my Bittersweet so she could color a squirrel.)

Now that I'm all grown up I still have a fondness for colors — especially Colorful Places to Play.

Stoked About My Longboard Crashing Those Salty Waves

Like, dude — when it comes to totally rad beach vacations with sick surf spots, Bluegreen is the Big Kahuna! Brah, I'm all amped up for a most excellent summer and can't wait to catch those mondo waves. If you're looking for a place to chill, Bluegreen Resorts are definitely mint.

Hang loose ...

Birthday Wishes

Hi Mom,

Happy Birthday!

I hope you have safe travels and the best birthday weekend ever.

Creed's Latest Tour Stops in Nation's Oldest City

Florida rockers Creed were "Torn" for a few years but "Weathered" the breakup and are back on tour. They're not looking for sympathy, so don't give them "Pity For A Dime" — their tickets are bit more expensive. They'll be playing the St. Augustine Amphitheatre on May 20 so be sure to catch the show. Now that you know a little of the band's history, make some vacation history of your own at Bluegreen's Grande Villas at World Golf Village.

The nation's oldest city is home to some world-class championship golf courses including two designed by legends Jack Nicklaus and Arnold Palmer. I've been in the sand traps there and I can tell you it felt just like being in "My Own Prison."

Way to Go Kid, the Girls Love You!

First, let me just say that I am not gaga over Lady Gaga! I REPEAT, I AM NOT GAGA OVER LADY GAGA! But this kid is cool:



Pop props from a rocker!

Loch Ness Monster Spotted Lurking in Williamsburg

Not only do I believe in the Loch Ness Monster, I hopped on and rode her.

Here's proof:



This particular Nessie lives at Busch Gardens in Williamsburg, Virginia — and she's always available for photo opportunities.

Scorpions on Tour for One Last Sting

Forget brats, St. Pauli Girl and Porsche. My favorite German import is the Scorpions — and they're heading to Miami's Bayfront Park to "Rock You Like A Hurricane" on July 16. The "Wind Of Change" is blowing them into retirement so be sure to catch the "Bad Boys Running Wild" before they calm down.

If you like to get your "Kicks After Six" and have sizzling "Big City Nights," South Beach can definitely put you "In Trance." When it comes to relaxing "Holiday" pursuits, Bluegreen's Solara Surfside provides the perfect retreat.

Try This at Home

I recommend an aerosol can and lighter for cobwebs in those hard-to-reach places. I also recommend reading the blog posts from vayK, The Write Moves and Indigo Highways.

Looking for Food with Flair

The people at the Walmart deli had one speed — stopped! Which begs the question: What was I doing buying food at Walmart? Exactly ...

I should have gone to Barton G instead.

My Iron Stomach Prevailed

Put away the defibrillator and stash the gurney. My ticker is keeping time like a Swiss watch! (Thanks for the false advertising Heart Stoppers!) Even a rare burger topped with banana peppers, fried eggs, peanut butter, salsa, black olives, tomato, lettuce, pickles, onions/grilled onions, mushrooms, jalapenos, relish, hot sauce, cheddar cheese, red peppers, jelly, garlic, sauerkraut and coleslaw wasn't enough to prevent me from posting this blog.

Nothing Like a Healthy Serving of Hospital Food

My buds and I are going to Heart Stoppers to have a real guys lunch today. They promote artery-clogging, heart attack-inducing dishes. If I get that pain in my chest like they promised, and don't post another blog this afternoon, please call a real nurse — and donate my Bluegreen vacation to a worthwhile recipient!

Ooops! I Cracked My Rose-Colored Glasses.

I wronged a right while derailing my good intentions. I also applauded insincerity and cherished a misconception — but then thought better of it while sweeping something under the rug. Man, do I need a vacation. Luckily, Bluegreen has plenty of vacation experiences to help me unwind, relax and come home with a renewed sense of urgency to pick up where I left off.

Celebre Su Ultima Victoria

¡Yo quiero Jenny Craig!

I also have a thing for endless bowls of guacamole, ice-cold cervezas and sizzling, oozing Hot Pockets with a dallop of Cinco de Mayo.

I Dig Dive Restaurants

If you're like me, then you appreciate the seedy atmosphere of dive restaurants. And I'm not just talking about crumbs on the floor. I mean the REAL dives! The ones that require a tetanus shot before entering. I want to feel the grease from the kitchen lingering in the air — then congealing on my skin. I want the pages of the menus to be stuck together. And the waitresses had better be way past their prime but dress like they're still hotties. No low-carb selections either. In Florida, you can find some pretty good seafood dives to dive into.

I'm gonna suck on a lemon before I order — just in case scurvy is the Special of the Day!

Up to Code

I don't know html code that well. But I do know how to cut and paste code with the best of them: JKKG5S9R6PPH. Take that programmers!

Another Birthday — Bring on the Gifts!

Ah, May. The month yours truly was born. I'm posting this valuable information only because I want gifts. Please consider any of the following: bowling balls, weed killer, drums, wooden nickels, 400mm f/2.8 camera lenses, fabric softener, heavy metal CDs, broken G strings, truffles, a framed poster of Farrah Fawcett wearing that burnt orange swimsuit, empty quarter rolls, videos of ice skaters falling during their routines, insults and ...

If anyone has ... please deliver it personally on the 25th!